Here is a poem that I wrote one day. It is not polished but came straight from my heart. Hopefully it will touch you and move you to think. The themes are a bit morbid, I know. However, that is not always a bad thing. There is great suffering in our world, and we should admit that. Then we can strive to bring about healing.
Soft cats are another touch that I am thankful is in the world.
Biology lab has certain taught me this semester that I am not a kinesthetic learner. All of the information in my head refuses to come out and interact with my experiments. Luckily, our professor lets us work in groups, so others help guide me along throughout the projects.
This turned out to be a huge blessing in disguise. When I mentioned this last minute to my therapist, she correlated it to both my Aspergers and eating disorder. “How does this affect visualizing how much food to have,” she questioned. Eagerly, I told her of my troubles figuring out portion sizes and other tasks because spatial reasoning is so hard for me. After listening carefully, she stated that she would look into different methods to help me with this problem. Having someone from my eating disorder treatment facility work so much to aid me with the struggles Aspergers brings up in my life is amazing. In the past, they have mostly not believed me. This is a great step in the right direction toward recovery.
Anyway, all of that is to say that touch is probably the hardest sense for me. It is frightening and a bit haunting. When people touch me, I tend to pull away although part of me yearns for contact. Certain clothing is difficult to wear, but other fabrics make me so calm. Thus, I am going to discuss those touches that I like despite how overwhelming this sense can be.
The hot air balloon ride that I went on back in September at my church’s festival.
Last June, I blogged my bucket list. For a while, one of my writing ideas was updating this list. So much has happened in the past year. Realizing what I have accomplished and what dreams have been added to my goals is important for me.
Looking back actually made me very inspired and hopeful. I accomplished more than I ever dreamed that I would in the past year and several months. Riding a hot air balloon, going to Oxford, a (short) relationship, returning to theater – it has been a huge year. I look forward to thinking back in 2015 and seeing my progress once again.
Sometimes I feel like this little chinchilla – in need of friendship.
“I love you, Anna Rose.”
Someone said that to me today, and memories flooded back to me. For years, people in theater or other places said this. Although the words were kind, something about that phrase always troubled me. Finally I realized. No one said that to other people. It was a way of stating, “You are different and strange. We are not sure what to do about you, but that is not exactly a bad thing.”
Love was something that set me apart from my peers. Everyone else went to haunted houses, but I was too sensitive to be invited. Others joked crudely with others before biting their tongues when I entered the room. Even some of my dearest friends still treat me differently.
Although potentially triggering, this book is a powerful depiction of an eating disorder and how it devastates lives.
62. Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson
Few books have impacted me quite as much as Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson. From the first sentence to the ending, the novel related to my eating disorder and life so much. At parts, I could not tell if I was more triggered or inspired. That was how powerful and realistic it was. Because of that, I debated blogging about it for several months. Would it be more helpful or hindering? That was the main worry that I had. However, my decision was to highlight it on Media Monday while cautioning that some might be triggered by it. On the whole, however, this is another amazing book by Laurie Halse Anderson.
Synopsis: Lia is shocked to learn that her ex-best friend Cassie has just died. Both high schoolers, the girls recently cut off communication with each other after helping to fuel each other’s eating disorders. This news haunts Lia, who is secretly still deep in anorexia. At times, the ghost of Cassie almost seems to be following the living girl, convincing her that life is not worthwhile. Thus, Lia decides to find out the truth about the puzzling death of her friend despite the pain it will cause.
Here I am holding a kitten at the pet store on Friday.
My brain is befuddled. Work, work and school – that was mostly my weekend. Add in some crazy drama, moments of wanting to burst into tears and nearly erupting with joy to make the two days utterly draining emotionally, psychically, and mentally.
Anyway, here are some great links from the past week. Choosing them was rather fun because I got a bit more time to look at things online and be inspired. Don’t ask me where that times came from because I am not sure. Hm…Life is confusing.
Me with Lexi, who died about a year ago, when he was still very little
My roommates and I went to a pet store yesterday to hold some puppies and kittens. Doing so cost us several dollars and some hours that could have been used studying, but the joy that it brought me was worth it. Plus, I loved spending time with Kaitlyn and Katie.
Taking time to visit a humane shelter, pet store, or another place with animals is a great coping skill. Some time ago, I wrote about pet therapy as a skill to use. Doing so with your own pet is very helpful. However, it can be wonderful to care for other animals (especially those that do not have a home) in a caring way.
Life rushes by us so quickly. In our society, we seem to be pressured to move from one thing to the next without even time to take a breath. After all, that would just be wasting time.
Work, school, cleaning, social events, networking, family outings – the list of things to do never seems to end. All of this time, noise bombards us. Cars blare horns when you do not move soon enough, rock music rattles clothing in malls, and friends screech with laughter and silly jokes. Sometimes, silence seems impossible to find.