Keep Treading the Water

Willows over water

Living in recovery (or at least attempting to) is strange. At times, the current sweeps you under and pins you under the water until you feel your lungs about to burst. Other times, the water seems like a calm pool, perhaps even enjoyably cool and refreshing.

Then there are days, weeks, months, years when you are just treading the water. You aren’t about to drown, but your feet certainly do not touch the ground to stabilize you. Each recovery-based choice takes considerable effort and seems like a waste most of the time. However, making those healthy choices is not impossible.

Continue reading

Judging a Job as Fulfilling or Not

Sorcerer Mickey

I love working for this guy!

A few days ago, someone watched me for a few moments greeting people at my job. “Wow, you sure have a fulfilling job,” he intoned sarcastically. “Telling people to go this way and then that way.”

Surprised and rather annoyed, I looked him right in the eye. “I actually love my job.”

“Sure, for now.” He laughed. Heat rushed to my face as I struggled not to cry. It”s not a big deal, I tried to think. But his words still stung.

Continue reading

When is Nice Too Nice?

Darth Vadar

My fear is that if I am not nice, I will be something like him.

Yesterday, two friends were (playfully) bickering. Laughing a bit, I attempted to diffuse the situation a bit. “You can kick me under the table if you need to,” I offered.

“You’re so nice and sweet,” one remarked.

“That’s not sweet. That’s messed up! Who let’s themselves be kicked?” The other friend questioned. “What happened to you in your past that you are so submissive?”

Continue reading

Guess I’m a Little Salty about That

“I’m just going to be single for life. There is nothing wrong with that, and that’s the way I want it!” I declared in (what I thought was) a confident voice.

“Sure…” My friend remarked, looking unconvinced.

“What? There are people who are single and fine with it.” I responded with a bit less bluster.

“Yes, but I am pretty sure they don’t say it the way that you just said that. Girl, you’re a little bit salty.”

Continue reading

It’s Not a Big Deal…Or Is It?

It's Not You, It's My PTSD

Memories haunt, words remind, fears remain, but I will survive.

When people warned me that he wasn’t a good friend, I just smiled sheepishly and shrugged. Sure, he was not perfect. Yet, a quirky, introverted, socially-anxious preteen girl took the friends she could get. So, I told myself repeatedly, “It’s not a big deal.”

It’s not a big deal if he tells me to shut up. I do talk too much.

It’s not a big deal if he belittles my dreams. They won’t come true anyway.

It’s not a big deal if he slaps my face. It was a gentle hit to keep me from being too weird.

Continue reading

Where Do You Feel Your Anxiety?

Girl sadly thinking "what now"

Anxiety and depression are so similar but also so different. 

Lately, I have been trying to pay attention to where I feel my anxiety. Often it buzzes in my head or clenches my rib cage. Sometimes it inches its way across my body to another location.

However, everyone experiences anxiety differently. Where do you feel anxiety? All people experience it even people who are not diagnosed with anxiety. We all have our moments.

Bye Bye Worry

I have trouble saying “Goodbye” to my worries. However, it is possible.

Chocolate Vent

Have you ever worried about something, so much so to the point where you found
yourself not being able to stop thinking about it , or even lay awake all night long?

Have you ever questioned or second-guessed a decision you made, or had regrets in regards
to the outcome of a previous relationship?

The Word reminds how there’s no use in worrying about something, because it won’t help the situation either way (Matthew 6:25-27)

Worrying about something only leaves you stressed out; nothing good comes from it.

Worrying is also an indicator that you haven’t given something totally over to the Lord; instead of casting the care, you’ve decided to take it on yourself – I’ve definitely been there before more than once in my own personal life.

What I’ve come to realize though, is that ultimately, God is in control – there’s nothing I could say, or could…

View original post 228 more words

No One Has Rights on Me or You

Daisy and me

This sassy duck does not let anyone who doesn’t respect her into her life. 

So much of my time is spent wondering how I am going to say “No” to someone. How will I let him down carefully? How do I keep her from getting angry at me? How do I get out of a situation without having to be obvious?

People are constantly telling me to give others a chance. We are often told not to “judge a book by its cover” and to “take time to really know a person.”

Those words of advice are very helpful in many situations. Yet, these wise sayings do not mean you need to say “Yes” or let everyone into your life. Sometimes, saying “No” is the safest and healthiest option.

Continue reading

That’s Not Funny

Perhaps I am overly sensitive. Correct that statement: I am overly sensitive. However, there are times when people laugh and joke about subjects that make me cringe.

Normally, I just look away (or move away, if I can) and ignore them. Inside, part of me is screaming to speak up and say, “That isn’t funny!”

Continue reading

I Read into Things too Much

Do you ever over-analyze a situation? Think about it until you have exhausted the ways to view it?

This seems to be my life. Why did he say that to me? Why is she looking at me? Are they thinking this? What if they really mean that?

These are the thoughts that continuously run through my head. Every moment of my life seems to be analyzed by myself.

Part of this is my Aspergers. To understand others and adapt socially, I taught myself to pay close attention to small details. Forgetting the “littlest” thing could lead to teasing or being abandoned by my peers.

However, some of my attentiveness seems to have gone overboard. Now, I no longer know how to control it. One word or glance might make me miserable for days. On the other hand, a positive interaction can make me elated for the rest of the week.

So does anyone else (especially those on the Autism spectrum) deal with this? How do you manage to not read too much into everything? Is this even a bad thing?