There Are So Many Things and Ways to Love

This video really inspired me. After all, I might not be in a relationship, but I can still love others. I can still try to take the yellow  tape off of my heart.

Who is it that you want to show some love to not only today but every day? Texting a forgotten friend, sending a letter to your sibling, snuggling with your cat a bit longer than normal. There are so many ways to reach out to others.

I want to do this more often. How about you?

Running from the Urges

What do you do when you have the urge to use a symptom? When suddenly, you feel like you must cut or you will die? When purging seems like the only option? When isolating for a week sounds like the only thing that will keep you safe?

You have to run. Run to a coping skill. Run to a loved one. Run to your recovery.

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Lent with an Eating Disorder

Lentil dish

A lentil dish that I ate out in Oxford

Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.

However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.

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Managing New Symptoms

Drained But Not Depleted

Just when you conquer one type of symptom, another one seems to arrive. Either that or a whole new disorder itself.

Life is so wearying sometimes. I am tired of vaulting between not eating and over eating and getting rid of food. All of it is just too much.

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Facing Your Worst Fear

People yelling at me. Others turning away. Friends giving up. Strangers judging.

These are some of my biggest fears. Whenever someone is angry, I want to hide. When that frustration or fury is directed at me, the anxiety bubbling inside is even more difficult.

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faith is just letting go of the horses

This post beautifully address what I am feeling and longing for right now.

Living with the Noonday Demon

Screenshot 2016-02-03 at 6.35.08 PM.pngSo much of my life has been about control. When I was young, strong emotions scared me. They were like wild horses that had been leashed to a cart that I was riding in. If I wasn’t able to rein the horses in, they would take off, hurdling me towards some other unknown doom.

Trusting God and control do not well together. Jesus wants to take the reins, but I’m white-knuckling it, telling him, “No way, man. You’re going to take me someplace weird, someplace I don’t know, without signs. And these horses. You don’t know them like I do.”

Depression is a wild one. You would think he would be an old mule, slow, but Depression doesn’t work that way. This guy wants to take us all off a cliff. He is bent on destruction and he’s very hard of hearing, so no matter how often I tell him that it’s…

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How Do You Deconstruct Walls of Anger?

Fear of Anger

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. – Maya Angelou

Over the years, so much anger has built up inside of me. There are groups of people, individuals, places, and things that fill me with such rage that I have built up walls around myself. Add in walls of fear and anxiety to make it even harder for me to open up to others.

I wish I knew how to erase the anger. Part of the problem is that I never let people (excluding family perhaps) know when I was frustrated with them. Thus, my feelings built up over the years.

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“She’s Fragile”

Princess Aurora

What does it mean to be fragile?

Yesterday at work, I asked to run food to cashiers instead of being on a cash register. My anxiety about doing something wrong (especially since no one wanted to train me and so spent little time with me) has been surging. I cannot wait to be at Disney again.

Someone asked if I could do register. Freezing with fear, I just stared at a coworker. “She’s running for us,” my coworker loyally stated.

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A Cup of Comfort

Beautiful!

theempathyqueen

she did not need very much

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There is great beauty and many beautiful things to be appreciated.  But, people with sincerity, integrity, honesty, empathy and an ability to laugh often and well, surpass them them all.

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Thank you for stopping by.  I hope that you enjoy your visit.

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