Partying (and Eating) like a Normal Person

Partying (and Eating) Like a Normal PersonEvery year, I am invited to many grad parties.  Each time, I long to go and say “Congratulations!” to my friend.  However, fear of people and driving often keep me sitting miserably at home.

Yesterday, however, I was able to get up my courage and drive to a theater friend’s graduation party all by myself.  So many times I though about turning around and going home.  However I kept my foot on the gas and only stopped after pulling up cautiously to her house.

“Just five minutes,” I whispered to myself.  “That is all that you need to spend and then you can go home.”

As I ran for her house in my pretty white dress, rain drenched me.  Of course, the weather had to be awful on my nerve-racking drive there.  Now, I looked like a wet kitten.  All I wanted was to go home, curl up in a chair with a fleece blanket, and cry.  But I had gotten this far so I went into the house.

I am sure glad that I did.  Instead of spending five minutes, I stayed for nearly an hour.  Several good friends who I had not seen in a while were there and we chatted happily.  My wonderful graduating friend sweetly handed me a nametag with my name in Hawaiian (the party had a lovely Hawaiian theme).  This simply action made me feel at home and welcome.

As I spoke with a dear friend of mine, she asked me if I was going to get any food.  To my surprise and dismay, I jumped up to do so.  Although my hand shook while dishing up, I took some berries and grapes.  For the first time in years, I ate with that group of people.  I felt weird, gross, and fat.  But I also felt normal.  It was as if I grasped a little glimpse of my future as a recovered person.

Instead of isolating at the party or simply looking at pictures, I talked with friends and their parents.  My normal feelings of not belonging and misery were replaced with excitement and love for others.  It reminded me how much I love my theater and the people there.  Hopefully, I will be able to return in the fall for The Wizard of Oz.

By going to this party, I conquered my Aspergers, depression, anxiety, and eating disorder.  Although it was frightening, I am so happy that I went.  Partying like a normal person might be stressful but it is certainly funner than isolating and moping at home alone.

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