Yesterday, however, I was able to get up my courage and drive to a theater friend’s graduation party all by myself. So many times I though about turning around and going home. However I kept my foot on the gas and only stopped after pulling up cautiously to her house.
“Just five minutes,” I whispered to myself. “That is all that you need to spend and then you can go home.”
As I ran for her house in my pretty white dress, rain drenched me. Of course, the weather had to be awful on my nerve-racking drive there. Now, I looked like a wet kitten. All I wanted was to go home, curl up in a chair with a fleece blanket, and cry. But I had gotten this far so I went into the house.
I am sure glad that I did. Instead of spending five minutes, I stayed for nearly an hour. Several good friends who I had not seen in a while were there and we chatted happily. My wonderful graduating friend sweetly handed me a nametag with my name in Hawaiian (the party had a lovely Hawaiian theme). This simply action made me feel at home and welcome.
As I spoke with a dear friend of mine, she asked me if I was going to get any food. To my surprise and dismay, I jumped up to do so. Although my hand shook while dishing up, I took some berries and grapes. For the first time in years, I ate with that group of people. I felt weird, gross, and fat. But I also felt normal. It was as if I grasped a little glimpse of my future as a recovered person.
Instead of isolating at the party or simply looking at pictures, I talked with friends and their parents. My normal feelings of not belonging and misery were replaced with excitement and love for others. It reminded me how much I love my theater and the people there. Hopefully, I will be able to return in the fall for The Wizard of Oz.
By going to this party, I conquered my Aspergers, depression, anxiety, and eating disorder. Although it was frightening, I am so happy that I went. Partying like a normal person might be stressful but it is certainly funner than isolating and moping at home alone.