Recently, I have been functioning fairly well. Yes, eating is still a struggle and my suicidal thoughts creep in occasionally. Yet, despite my anxiety and perfectionism, I make small steps toward health and hope every day. My family, care team, and friends – including you wonderful blog followers – all deserve a great deal of credit for their patience and loyalty. Thank you all for never giving up on me!
However, many of my dear friends struggle greatly. As I have heard of their problems, my heart has ached. If only I had been a better friend. If only life were not so difficult. If only I could do something more. All of this guilty wondering weighs me down. Often, I feel like an awful friend to those I dearly love. So many people support me through hardships but I do not offer enough care to those who need help.
So, I decided to dedicate this post to some of my close wonderful friends. To keep your privacy, I will not use names. Hopefully you will be able to find yourself in this dedication to you. Also, this is written with certain people in mind but I also address it to all men, women, girls, and boys who are struggling similarly.
A Spark of Hope to You
Red scars upon your arms,
Captured tears refuse to leave your eyes,
Dark secrets in your soul
That even you refuse to realize.
Demon voices in your head
Whisper your life is not worthwhile
As you pass the days unseen
And hide your pain with a fake smile.
Please trust me when all else fails
Even though I sometimes fall.
I will send you a spark of hope
And hold you through it all.
Memories of manic days and sleepless nights,
Shame of past and fear of coming days,
These times do not define you,
Nor pave the path of future ways.
Labels never define all of you,
Worthlessness cannot encompass that
Hidden beauty and powerful strength.
Inside you is where it is at.
Please let me enter in,
Do not shut me out in the night.
Let me hold a candle of hope
To bring some hope and light.
Once more, I stand by your side.
I will not let the darkness win.
Although I cannot carry you through this time,
Together we can let a spark of hope in.