Yesterday, I made an awful mistake. In the morning, I took the wrong medication. Instead of taking my vitamins, I swallowed my night pills that lower my already low blood pressure (to help with bad dreams) and make me extremely drowsy. In fact, this medication basically makes you look drunk with slurred speech, extreme fatigue, and in-cohesive thoughts.
Needless to say, my mother was not pleased. She truly proved once again what an amazing woman she is in so many ways. Not only did she drive me to school, she also came back in to take me to my dietitian and then back to school so I could watch a film that evening for extra credit. Although my mom spent her day caring for me, she remained kind and never blamed me for my medication mess-up.
At school, my professors were very kind and gave me the option to skip class. However, I wanted to power through this day. After finally getting used to my school schedule, I did not want to give up a whole day by sleeping at home. Also my stubborn streak merged with my perfectionism. Of course I could make it through this day! After all, I have faced tougher challenges (usually unhealthy but still) before. I would not surrender my independence as an adult and the day I had planned out.
When the nurses at the medical office suggested I return home, I politely but unwaveringly refused to comply. Not only had my professors said that these were vital classes, but I also wanted to go watch a philosophy film for extra credit. After feeling like an outsider for so long, I longed to spend some time with classmates hanging out.
So, I did make it through the whole day. Now I am not advising that others do this. Should I have gone home? Maybe. Do I test the limits of my body, mind, and emotions sometimes? Yes, I do. That is something I am currently working on changing.
However, I did see that I have grown a great deal. The fact that I wanted to see a movie with peers is a huge step up for me. Usually I would run away from that type of social situation. However, I am beginning to really fit in at school without compromising who I am. Instead, people reach out and support me as an individual. The other day, a classmate named Rachel called out a greeting to me as she passed by on her bike. Just that little sign of recognition made my heart fill with joy. Finally, I feel loved and like I belong somewhere. Maybe I can even continue to find my place in the world as a unique but encouraged individual.
Also, I wanted to say thank you once again to my amazing mother! Although she became frustrated near the end of the evening, she still remained loving and so generous. To all support people, I know it is difficult caring for your loved one. However, we do really appreciate it! Also, those who are struggling with mental health or special needs do not try to mess things up. We are not trying to be hard to take care of or communicate with. Please remember that although caring for us is challenging, the situation – not the person – is the problem. Try not to blame your loved one for the challenges that arise.
Finally, I wanted to end this post with saying that I feel amazing today! In fact, I had no idea how bad I felt yesterday until I started feeling better today. Or you could say that I had no idea how good it is to feel normal! Sometimes that happens with life; you do not realize the good around you right away.
So I am going to try to live and see the good around me in the moment. Instead of waiting until the wonderful things have left and I miss them, I will enjoy the time that I have presently. On that note, I wanted to leave you with a fun video that I have been singing in my head. Also a big huge smile and hopes for joy to each and every person reading this. I really do feel good and hope that you feel that too!