Everybody Hates Me, Right?

Holidays are draining for me in many ways.  Eating in front of people causes panic to well up inside of me.  The social aspect of being surrounded by others frightens me.  Plus the pressure to be happy and normal takes away all of my energy.  Aspergers, anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, and PTSD all make these festive days hard to manage.

Yet, I realized yesterday that one of my strongly held beliefs makes social situations like holiday celebrations nearly unbearable: my belief that everyone hates me.  Sounds silly, right?  Without any proof of disapproval, I assume that others dislike me immensely and are disappointed in me.

It is so easy to live like everyone dislikes you.  That way you can assume the worst until someone proves you wrong.  When they compliment you or express their love, then you finally know that they like you.   A rush of joy fills you as, for a few seconds, you feel worthy of love.  Secure in your relationship, you can let down some of your walls and release your fears.  That is, you can do so until the doubts begin to creep in once again.

Unfortunately, this cycle never ends.  No matter how much people affirm or love me, I return to doubting their feelings toward me.  Always guessing about the thoughts of others tires me.  In the end, this makes me more exhausted and fearful of everyone around me.

Thus, I have resolved to try to address this problem.  As frightening as letting go is, this perception needs to change if I want to live a healthy, normal life.  Today I make this pledge to you; instead of living as if every one hates me, I will begin learning to trust and be confident about who I am apart from others.

This song always inspires me.  In my transition and change in thoughts, it has brought me much courage and inspiration.

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5 thoughts on “Everybody Hates Me, Right?

  1. We might be in the same boat here. I decided years ago that it was easier to assume the worst by believing people don’t like me. I think this gets exhausting for other people too because some people really do like us. It may hurt their feelings that we assume theyr’e out to hurt us.

    That said, I think you made a great pledge, one that I’m still struggling to make myself. It’s a big commitment, changing the way you think about things. Good luck!

    • That is just how I felt for years! It is hard trying to change but I think that I am ready to try. Thinking of the other person and their feelings is helpful. Thank you for sharing that! Too often I forget that my fears affect others.

  2. April says:

    I have a huge problem in social situations. I suppose it’s called social phobia. I don’t have to deal with some of what you struggle with, but my therapist said something to me, that maybe might help?

    I would NEVER say something rude, or judge another person—for anything. She asked me if I think about hating another person, judging them for what they say, dress like, act like. I said “oh my, never”! After pointing out that I don’t do this, she asked the question “where is the proof the people you will be around are judging you”? I thought and thought about that question. I’m not a mind reader, and it was my insecurity that was making me believe that other people were judging me, when in fact they weren’t. In fact, some of them may be trying to hide the same problem.

    I hope you find some peace and can enjoy some of what the holidays are for. Love, peace, and happiness.

  3. I always assume people around me don’t like me, and you’re right, it is a nice surprise when someone lets you know that the opposite is true! I overheard my mom talking on the phone to my grandfather and they were saying how my aunts and uncles all think I am awesome… which is kind of the opposite of what I had assumed was true!!!

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