Normally, my posts veer away from mentioning any exact type of food or symptom. Hoping not to trigger anyone, I am careful about what I write. Being honest without giving others ideas is difficult. However, my posts will hopefully never cause anyone to treat themselves worse or give them bad ideas.
As you can see by the title of my post, today will be a bit different. Before you read any further, please understand that there is nothing wrong with Christmas cookies. In the right amount, this food is the same as any other. It nourishes, strengthens, and fuels us. Plus, this dessert helps people to celebrate the holidays with family and friends.
But having cookies out in the open around this holiday (or any time, for that matter) drives me crazy. The old urges to binge return as strong as ever. Suddenly, I forget if I need two cookies for a dessert of more. If I want more, does that mean that my hunger cues are kicking in finally? Fear about not having the food that I want overtakes me which causes me to want to hide and hoard the food.
My old dietitian always told me that the more you restrict, the more likely you are to binge. However, that fact causes me more fear of eating the right amount than it helps me to change.
My mother stated that having these doubts is actually rather normal. Many people struggle with self-control on Christmas. Each year, I ask for her help to keep me from over-eating. She guides me through the holidays and the many occasions with food. The urges to binge remain deeply rooted inside of me. With the help of others, I am learning to take each day at a times. Food may seem scary, but it is only food. Even if I do eat too much, I will be ok. Learning to handle food around the house frightens me. Yet, I am willing to take this next step toward recovery.