After having such a stressful morning yesterday, I wondered how I could keep going. Perhaps dropping the speech tournament was the best idea. Many ideas and anxieties sped through my mind.
Finally, I decided to leave with another group of people. Although this required leaving a class early and not picking up a classmate, it saved me the pressure of driving to a busy and unfamiliar place. Thus, the transportation was figured out despite my desire to please everyone. Instead of worrying about my class believing me the perfect student or taking care of the other girl coming, I needed to think about myself. As selfish as that sounds, sometimes you need to focus on your own life instead of trying to control everyone around you. In the end, we only can choose our own actions, thoughts, and feelings. I can influence others but not force them to react in a certain way.
After figuring out the car situation, I needed to deal with ordering food. After being scolded last times for not having anything, I felt the pressure rising as I stared at the takeout options. Finally, the safest choice seemed clear and simple to order. Second anxiety was faced and finished.
At the tournament, the competition bites and scratches its way to the top. Swear words fly out of mouths while racy content attempts to shock the judges. People rattle off statistics and mime props until you can practically see their sources and the objects they are touching. Every contestant focuses on one thing: to make it to finals.
Breaking (or making it to finals) is a difficult especially in categories with numerous people. Although I dreamed of standing in front of the judges and repeating my speech in hopes of winning a trophy, the reality of this longing seemed distant and ridiculous. After all, who was I to beat out speech teams that trained for the whole year and offered scholarships to incoming students?
Thus, when I saw my name up on the list of finalists for Dramatic Interpretation, I could not believe it. Me? Did they really choose me? What about all of the polished and poised speakers that I had heard? How could this be?
This song continued to through my head the entire night. Warning: There is a bit of suggestive content in part of the song. However, I enjoy it for the most part.
Excited but terrified, I began the final round. Like expected, others received the trophies for first, second, and third. However, winning fourth/fifth still filled me with joy. Perhaps I did not do perfect, but my performance was good enough to make finals. Perhaps next time I can go even farther.
Yesterday began as a hectic mess. It finished as a triumphant celebration. Life pulls you hard in many directions. Ofter, you fall and end up hurt. However, if you can keep pushing on, there is relief and joy to be found.