Last evening, I had an amazing experience which I look forward to sharing with you tomorrow. Today I had hoped to post about it, but my camera will not upload photos onto the school computers. Thus, you will find out about it tomorrow or Friday. How is that for a teaser?
Anyway, I ran across this article the other day online. It was called Seeing Pink on the Spectrum. In it, the author talks about raising a girl with Aspergers. Often Aspergers is seen as a boy’s illness just as anorexia is seen as feminine. Although this is a true statistic, it is overgeneralized. Many girls end up on the autism spectrum just as guys suffer from eating disorders.
Being a girl with Aspergers brings many difficulties. Learning how to understand other females is hard enough without social anxiety and confusion. When I meet people (especially women), I have to analyze every word, movement, and action that they make. Otherwise, people end up teasing, bullying, abandoning, or scolding me. Usually my peers just walked away from me in the past. What was the value of a friend who did not know how to interact in a normal fashion?
Plus there is the whole honesty thing. Growing up, I took things literally and spoke the truth. Adults and children alike snickered at my strange responses and innocent blunders. Now, I fear saying anything and tend to hold back my opinions. There are many people who have hurt me and still are doing so, but I am too scared to say anything. Having Aspergers forced me to choose each word with care and bite my tongue to keep from saying something stupid or harmful.
Getting ready in the morning and understanding how to care for myself is hard as well. Simple tasks like doing my hair or brushing my teeth took years to learn. Often, I still forget to do them which fills me with disgust. All of the girls around me know how to put on makeup and do fancy hairstyles.
Sometimes it seems like I am not even a woman. But then I am not a man either. Could I be a weird alien? That seems the most probable at times.
However, the truth is that Aspergers does affect girls like me. That does not make us any less of people or unfeminine. It simply makes us different and special. Currently, I am still coming to understand the role that Aspergers plays in my life. This task is both exciting and frightening. Who knows what role my unique brain will play in the future? What I do know is that it will always be part of my life and something that both irritates and inspires me.