Well, I finally did it. Tonight was the first time that I ate at the restaurant where I work. Not only that, the dish was one of the foods that scares me the most: pasta. Afterward, my stomach felt full. The further that I go in recovery, the more feeling food in my stomach bothers me. Then I arrived back on campus and was given a ice cream shake by a friend. Once again, the food tasted wonderful but left me feeling so fat and full.
This left me wondering about my fear of being full. People always complain about being stuffed at Thanksgiving. I lament my stomach bulging out even if it is only in my head. But being full is not the same as over-eating. Instead, it says that you are satisfied and that you have enough of what you need. Being full is a good thing. There are many impoverished people who would love the feeling of food.
Thus I decided to list reasons why being full and having food in your stomach is good. This is really difficult and almost sickening for me. However, it is important to remember that this is positive instead of disgusting. So here is a painful but important Thankfulness Thursday.
466. Having energy – Being full – not over-full but just right – gives you energy that nothing else can bring.
467. Being normal – When I eat a normal amount, people treat me in a normal way. Although I feel awkward, others do not see me as sick but as a fun friend. Every time that I work to eat normally, the more I build good relationships with others.
468. Having the money – I am thankful to be able to afford food. There are so many people who would love to have the food that I take for granted.
469. The good taste – Let’s be honest: food tastes good. Yes, it does. I hate to admit it, but that is the truth.
470. Getting closer to recovery – Each time that I eat the right amount, my stomach gets more used to the food. It also helps me to fight against the eating disorder.
471. Increased health – Food gives us the fuel and strength for the day. It helps our body to run and function.
472. Taking a nap after a good meal – There is a nice habit. I miss doing it because of my fear of gaining weight. One day, I can do it again.
473. Learning to love my body no matter what – Women do not have to have flat stomachs to be beautiful. Being full challenges this and reminds me to love myself despite discomfort.
474. Trusting my body – It is frightening to trust that your body will know what to do with food. However, your body is amazing and understand how to interact with nutrients.
475. The joy on my family and friends’ faces – People are happy when I eat enough. Sometimes that is the only good thing that I can cling onto when I am annoyed with myself.
476. Dealing with discomfort – Sounds like a stupid thing to be grateful for, right? Well, it is a good life lesson if a hard one.
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