You’re Done With Me, So Now What?

I feel so abandoned right now. Despite the numerous people around me and friends who affirm me, my spirit still sinks as if an anchor was dragging downward. The lonely hole inside that has been present since childhood remains despite my attempts to fill it in with others.

One person. Sometimes that is all it can take to make you feel like a wonderful person worthy of life or a stupid toy masquerading as something special.

This video is how I feel sometimes and what I wish that I could to say to people.

Others do not determine how we feel or think. However, every comment and action does affect us in some way. Right now, I am struggling to subdue anger and depression. Only a few people have influenced these difficult emotions. When there are so many friends encouraging and supporting me, the fact that thoughts about the couple who hurt me fills me with annoyance. More than anything, a sense of worthlessness has grown increasingly in the past month.

Some of the pain is my own fault. When you open up your heart to trust others and be honest with them, you might end up bruised. Perhaps my naivety and willingness to think the best of others ended me up in this state of mind.

However, being used or abandoned stings. Sometimes people desert you after you have fulfilled the purpose that they wanted. Perhaps that is not their intention. Maybe they really did want to be friends. As they come to know you better, they realize that you are not what they want. Or maybe they see how you are fine with being pushed around and doing all of the work in the relationship. Whatever their reasoning, it leaves you feeling worthless.

How do you move on after being left like that? What if that happens multiple times? Perhaps closing your heart would cause less pain.

My thoughts try to trick me into responding in unhealthy ways. If I ate less and loss weight, then people would think of me as beautiful and worthy of their time. Shut up more, smile more, buy presents for everyone, dye my hair, use slang – I think of all of the ways that I could change myself to be better.

Taking a few steps back, I can see that hiding my discomfort and pain for fear of hurting others has caused others to trample on me. Being strong and compassionately assertive is a goal for me.

Sometimes people will hurt you and abandon you for no apparent reason. However, that does not dictate your worth. Their actions show more about their personality than yours. Believing that is difficult, nearly impossible right now. Yet, those wise words from others are what I need to cling to in this difficult time. As much as I feel like garbage, others see me as a struggling girl who has some worth. Right now, I need to believe who my true friends believe me to be.

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16 thoughts on “You’re Done With Me, So Now What?

  1. Anyone who would not find your friendship precious is a very confused person. When you are done being angry and hurt, you will probably feel sorry for them.

  2. La La says:

    A lesson I’ve learned that didn’t truly hit until I allowed it to do so–sometimes the universe clears out the “wrong” people and situations to leave room for the right ones.

    It isn’t easy to believe that though sometimes. I do hope you feel better.

  3. Sometimes people don’t mean to hurt you and are unaware that they have. Also depending on your perspective; something that may hurt you, would encourage them. Relationships are complicated. I do believe we teach people how to treat us. I’m learning too. I need to tell people what I need from them and not hide behind a smile. ❤
    Peace to you,
    Diana xo

    • Very true! People struggle to understand and love each other. I have hurt others without trying. We all do that. Remembering that I hope others are honest with me reminds me to open up to them.

  4. Jerome Meeds says:

    Annarose,

    It breaks my heart to read your post today. I realize you feel very alone and that is an awful feeling.

    I Pray you realize that you are never alone and you are always loved. We love you and Christ’s love for you is always there. I know that it is hard to see that, but that empty lonely spot can only be filled by Christ. St. Augustine wrote about this very well – that hole that can only be filled by God.

    Anna, I love you! I am with you in prayer!

    Love,

    Dad

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  5. mewhoami says:

    A true friend will stay with you. They will pick you up and not put you down. Those are the people that we need around us. Anyone who puts us down or only uses us until they need us no longer, is not worthy of our time. You are beautiful just the way you are. Each person is unique for a reason. That is what makes beauty. No diet, no outfit and no hairdo is going to earn a true friend, nor will it earn true happiness. True happiness is found within.

  6. seanmirza says:

    Your article emotes apathy yet your tone communicates your perseverance. One of life’s bitter truth is that pain is unavoidable. I am not great at articulating my thoughts as you are so I often reference people who say things far more eloquently. Below is an excerpt from a poem from one of my favorite poet, Khalil Gibran. Hope you enjoy.

    “I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart
    For the joys of the multitude.
    And I would not have the tears that sadness makes
    To flow from my every part turn into laughter.

    I would that my life remain a tear and a smile.

    A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding
    Of life’s secrets and hidden things.
    A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and
    To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods.

    A tear to unite me with those of broken heart;
    A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence.

    I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing.

    I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the
    Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are
    Satisfied the most wretched of people.
    I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody.

    With evening’s coming the flower folds her petals
    And sleeps, embracingher longing.
    At morning’s approach she opens her lips to meet
    The sun’s kiss.

    The life of a flower is longing and fulfilment.
    A tear and a smile.”

    Cheers
    Sean

    • Wow, that is one of my new favorite poems! How beautiful and heart-wrenchingly true. Despite the pain, I still hold onto to hope for relationships. Right now is a difficult time, but I will certainly persevere.

  7. jefairgrieve says:

    Hi, Anna Rose–
    Please know that you have friends who love you and accept you as you are, however that may be at any given moment. Just look at the number of people who have commented on this post! You are definitely not alone, as you can see. Keep on keeping on, Anna Rose. One foot in front of the other. It’s hard, but life isn’t easy for anyone. If you cherish life’s “ups,” the “downs” become more tolerable. Jean

  8. “One person. Sometimes that is all it can take to make you feel like a wonderful person worthy of life or a stupid toy masquerading as something special.” This is so true… And sometimes it’s the same person who can make you feel worthy of life and love and happiness one day, but make you feel like you’re nothing special the next (unintentionally, even).

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