Finals Week

My little brother Mario around the time this poem was set

My little brother Mario around the time this poem was set

Every once in a while, I enjoy writing poetry. This is an old poem that I wrote when thinking back on the end of my first semester at college. At this point, my eating disorder was running rampant, causing me to take the next year off of school.

Although this was written about a year and half ago, this piece captures a bit of what I felt about my eating disorder. Looking back on this pivotal moment of my illness, I see how far I have come in recovery. Thus, sharing it seemed like a good idea.

Finals Week

 Legs dangling off the examination table,

Disinfected white and

Weight charts watching from the walls,

Drip of faucet into a metal sink.

 

Clad in a paper gown, arms hugged for warmth.

Dress draped over my Education text book,

EKG leads like leeches leave sticky skin.

I lick my lips, cleaning chapped wounds.

 

Tonight, after sleep borrows my thoughts,

Classmates will chug Red Bull, forcing eyelids open,

Highlighter marks adorning hands,

While our survival of finals week begins.

 

Door handle jiggles after eternity passes twice.

The doctor enters, verdict on a clipboard as

Acid inches up my throat,

She utters “anorexia,” “heart,” and “hospital.”

 

Later, I wait on my living room couch,

Knees huddled to chest under a wool blanket.

Half-eaten burrito beside a mound of Kleenexes,

While cartoon slapstick on TV bleaches out thoughts

Except one: “I am killing myself.”

 

I shove another bite in,

Tongue smashing into mush,

First meal of my finals week,

Fork frozen in indecision after each swallow,

Eyelids a wall between me and my empty plate.

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3 thoughts on “Finals Week

  1. Yvonne Walsh says:

    hi AnnaRose. I’m a mother of a daughter (age almost 16) diagnosed with Aspergers through dealing with so much social isolation in school after going into second level (I now think I also have traits of Aspergers myself). She developed Anorexia last year and was hospitalised for 11weeks. Though she has been outpatient now for 6 weeks, it is so hard. I find it is so hard to talk to her. I am the main person in the family she speaks to, and she does not get on with her dad. But now I find it getting harder. She has also been self harming etc. I was drawn to your blog ….. and funny my daughter picked the name Rose for her confirmation name.
    Thank you for this lovely blog ….. I have only started reading, but I hope it might help
    Yvonne Walsh

    • My heart really goes out to you and your daughter. Thank you for all that you are doing for her. My own wonderful mother has helped me more than I ever thought possible despite hardship for both of us. The road of recovery is long and hard, but there is hope for your entire family. Your note really touched me so much. I really hope that this blog can be helpful to you. If there are any questions that you have or subjects you would like addressed, please let me know. People like you and your daughter are the reason that I want to write. Thank you so much for the encouragement! I really needed to hear that today.

      • Yvonne Walsh says:

        Thank you so much. You are a beautiful writer and have a lot of wisdom in the words you share. God Bless for now AnnaRose

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