So often, we look at the past and beat ourselves up over mistakes that we made or things that we missed out on doing. If I only responded this way instead, if only I hadn’t been so stupid, if only I had another chance…
These thoughts haunt me every day. However a great blogger, Suzie81 Speaks, recently posted Things I’m Glad I Didn’t Do which looked back and saw the wisdom in past actions. This idea encouraged me. What if we were thankfully instead of guilt-ridden by our life? So here is a list of some of the things I am thankful I never did.
- Go to a college that allowed alcohol or was known for partying. Who knows where I would be now? I did not know until I left home and started school the deep hurt inside of me. Nearly dying from an eating disorder was awful. However, if I had also become addicted to a substance, my life would be in shambles. With the addictive personality in my genes, recovery is even more difficult.
- Continue studying education. This was my first major, and I went into school very dedicated to it. However, having the strength to change my mind and realize that my purpose was elsewhere has led to me realizing what I truly love and long to do with my life.
- Give blood last week. Trying to do this in the first place when I already feel faint all of the time was stupid. Although it took me over 30 minutes, I finally was honest and said I did not feel well enough to donate. The people did not really seem to care and I felt humiliated. However, the experience taught me not to put myself in stupid situations even for a good cause.
- Go on a date with someone I didn’t know. A guy (pretty much the only person who ever was interested in me) asked me to meet up with him. Although he seemed nice enough, I did not feel comfortable going out with a complete stranger. My fear of saying no led to me giving him my number and contacting him several times before I could tell the truth. Luckily, I found the courage to cut off our relationship.
- Fast for all of Holy Week. Right before the last week of Lent in 2011, my parents found out about my eating disorder. Fury filled me than when I was unable to skip meals. Looking back, I realize that this kept me out of the hospital and alive.
- Give up on certain friendships. There were many relationships that I let go of too soon. However, some I have clung to through difficult times. These I am so thankful for even though we might not see each other often.
- Fully relapse. Two summers ago, my eating disorder grew incredibly strong. Yet, my desire to continue school kept me from a full relapse. I hated this at the time but am so grateful for it now.
- Tell my crushes how I felt about them. Even writing this now, I feel a bit mixed. Perhaps I should have been more honest. However, this probably kept me from great heartbreak and strained relationships. Then again, maybe it would have changed my life for the better. We will never know.
- Succeed in running away from home. This failed miserably every time that I attempted it. However, terrible things would have probably happened if I had been able to get farther than a mile. Thank goodness that others showed up each time to help me.
- Kill myself. Sometimes I wish that I did this. Deep down, though, I am glad to be alive still. This is probably the most important item on this list.
What are some things that you are grateful you never did?