The Loss of Another Medical Caregiver – How Long Will This Go On?

Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction. - Jean Dubuffet

Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction. – Jean Dubuffet

A handwritten note on top of my pillow was one the first thing that greeted my arrival to my own bed. It read “Sad news – [my dietitian’s name] is leaving.” My heart plunged as I realized the reason she had not responded to my emailed questions for the past few weeks.

That is it. She is gone without a goodbye or explanation. This feels like deja vu. Just last summer, my previous dietitian (who was an Olympic athlete that I greatly admired and enjoyed) left. Thankfully she gave me a bit of warning. However, my doctor left last minute too last May. All of this loss adds to my misery over leaving Oxford and my friends there as well as being estranged (but maybe willing to return to) my therapist and still suffering from heartbreak. Why do people have to keep leaving after being so close to me?

People come in and out of our lives. That is a normal part of human existence. Yet, knowing that does not make goodbyes – especially those that are never said – any easier. For someone with aspergers who hates change, these losses sting even more.

Now, I wonder if I can quit this whole thing. Seeing another dietitian (especially the two options that they offered me) would only add to my stress. Why should I trust that they will stick with me? But without one, how will I know what amount of food to eat? What if I gain weight or start restricting again? Having someone to guide me is important, but the pain of choosing someone new is so overwhelming right now.

What can we do about the pain of losing people? Well, one option is to shut down and not allow anyone into our hearts. That way, losing them will not be as hurtful. Yet, another type of agony grows as we become lonely and life feels meaningless.

The other option is to open up and continue to be hurt and loved. I am trying to choose this approach. However, it is so hard. As I write this, tears keep creeping out of my eyes. When will this pain end? Probably never. Hopefully the deep relationships that I invest in (and sometimes lose) will be worth it in the end.

 

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12 thoughts on “The Loss of Another Medical Caregiver – How Long Will This Go On?

  1. Anonymous says:

    Please write me on fb – I still have not written or talked to Dirk Miller @ EP. Write out your expierence. Please. – Carolyn

  2. I can appreciate your grief. My psychiatrist recently went to another practice and I went into a tailspin for some time. I am glad to say I’ve passed through it and have another one who seems equally competent. I pray the same for you.

  3. Kirstan says:

    I am really sorry to hear this, not only have you lost someone that you care about, but you have to cope with finding someone new. Sending healing thoughts your way.

  4. Cheryl-Lynn says:

    I AM sorry for your loss, endings are so so painful. Perhaps there is a message here that you are getting stronger to understand that YOU are the most important part of your healing, the others are your companions…you ARE the expert. Blessings, Cheryl-Lynn

  5. jefairgrieve says:

    The pain of loss makes life so hard to bear, I understand that, but you are so lucky you CAN feel the pain of loss, especially the pain of losing an active relationship. The relationship with your dietician will never be entirely lost, though, because each of you will retain the memory of your relationship and what it meant to you.

    Some people are unable to enter into close relationships, and they know neither the joy of a loving relationship nor the pain of loss of that relationship. If you want to get some idea as to how a life like that might be, T.S. Eliot has described the life so well in parts of “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.”

    The way I look at it, we each make connections with one another at the right time, and then sometimes at the right time we each move on to fulfill our life’s purpose. This does not mean, however, that we reject the people we leave; it just means we need to move on. But the relationship stays with us in our hearts and minds and is part of us. So you may have lost the active, day-to-day contact with your dietician, but you have not truly lost the relationship. Does this help any?

  6. Doug Trouten says:

    Your post made me think of this piece by Lois Cheney –it’s a favorite of mine:

    http://ppcyoungadults.blogspot.com/2012/03/poem-bits-and-pieces.html

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