Right now, I feel like a butterfly with the wings pulled off. Although I love my family and Minnesota, all of me long to be back in Oxford. Or at least somewhere where I am free to soar, grow, and learn. Everything here is stagnant, including myself.
Each day, my spirit seems to sink a little lower. I am trying to stay positive, but my energy is draining fast. Why is it that when we have little to do, we feel the most tired? Depression is a strange and crippling thing.
So, I am going to make a list of things to do this week that will help me to feel more independent. Perhaps my wings are only damp, not torn. Some of the items on this list are already set up on someone else’s schedule, which is very helpful. Others I will need to be accountable for by myself.
- Meet with a potential client about freelancing work.
- Visit with at least one (if not two) friends.
- Start up a travel blog.
- Take my little brother to the library and/or a movie.
- Find a new dietitian with my care coordinator.
- Call my old therapist to see if I can mend that relationship.
- Edit at least one of my mystery parties so I can get it ready to sell.
- Go to confession.
- Look into another job I might be able to do this summer.
- Do some type of art.
That is a pretty extensive list, but I think that it is all doable. If not, I will practice self-compassion and not being perfectionistic. This is meant to be a helpful tool not a binding burden.