Lately, my depression has affected my writing. Instead of looking forward to working on a story, work, or blog, I find myself feeling apathetic and unmotivated. Nothing seems to interest me, and the energy to be creative and think of words seems drained from me.
This has made me rather miserable. How can I blog each day if my heart is not in it? What is the use of going to school for professional writing if I cannot do the work? If I cannot find the inspiration to write, am I a failure who needs to stick to simple jobs like being a hostess in a restaurant for the rest of my life?
Yet each day, I force myself to write. Even if it is only a post of 300 words, I make sure to put something out on this blog. All of my readers (including you) have been my one driving force. Hoping that I am making a positive impact on the world, my blog continues to go on daily. Even though it is difficult to write some days, the end product and your response makes it worth the effort.
Yesterday, I wrote a piece of flash fiction for a friend. This seemed impossible for me to accomplish at first. Who am I to type up a story for no reason other than fun? Not only will the short work by worthless and boring, it will not be well written because I have not written pure fiction in months. “This will be a disaster,” was my attitude toward the project.
Yet, as I began to write, excitement tingled in my fingers and began to flow to the rest of my body. The story suddenly carried me away and brought back my love of daydreaming. Simply writing for the sake of writing was a wonderful experience that I have really missed. Plus, the finished project was interesting if not perfect.
Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think we need to write that we lose our initial joy. This can happen with any other activity – singing, organizing, reading, running, editing, teaching, traveling, etc. When we lose sight of how these things make us more alive and fulfilled, we begin to dread them instead of loving them.
Now, I know that writing is something that I still love. Tapping into that joy can be difficult at times if I feel stressed, but it is possible to rediscover that pleasure each day. Tapping into the joy of writing and of life in general is an important skill for getting through each day.