Training for my new job has been fun, interesting, tiring, and strangely confidence-building. Who would have thought that I would be so excited about a job that involves talking with people? I certainly would not have expected it!
This is one of the few times that I actually felt sure of myself. Instead of worrying about what to say when practicing to serve people, I went into my theater-mode. Instead of being an anxious girl trying to find herself in the world, I became a spunky woman who loves interacting with others and making their day better.
Because of this, the training went well and made me feel better than I have in weeks. Co-workers affirmed me. In their eyes, honesty and admiration shone through instead of pity or annoyance. This proved to me that others also saw that I had some skill. Saying that makes me feel guilty now. I am not trying to brag or be proud. The excitement is just so immense. I have finally done something right!
One other experience made me feel like this. Years ago, I sang “In My Own Little Corner” from Cinderella during a theater workshop. Standing in the spotlight was both terrifying and wonderful. Suddenly, a different spirit seemed to take over my body. It was almost as if I was watching myself as I lived the song. Emotions flooded through me as I played all of the characters in the song. At the end, the audience’s clapping was only one of the elements that told me I had done well. Even better was the internal feeling of confidence in myself. Was I perfect? No, but I had given that song my all and totally been immersed in that character.
Now, I am feeling that emotion again for probably only the second time in my life. It almost felt like I was glowing. Having a few co-workers arguing over who was my partner probably helped. This new job will be a challenge, but it is one that I am ready to face.
I have confidence that I can do this. Plus, a hope resides in me that I can find that engaging, confident, social butterfly again. Perhaps she is more part of me than I realized.