Earlier today, I was prepared to start this post confident and skip the apology. However, my depression has kicked in majorly this evening which makes that more difficult. So I will say that I am more disappointed in myself that at 1:00 AM this morning but still am granting myself grace.
Yesterday, no post was written for this blog.
I really intended to post one. Honestly, this is something that I will never forget. After a long day working four shifts, leading a university student event, attending several classes, going to play rehearsal, and engaging with others, my brain was shot. When a friend and I decided to study together, we ended up talking until past 1:00 AM. Let’s just say that I lost track of time and had no idea that the day had flown by without my blogging.
Strangely enough, the guilt has not been too overwhelming. I am annoyed with myself for breaking my goal of posting every day this year. Yet, another part of my brain realizes that this lapse is not the end of the world. You hopefully do not hate me or feel horribly let down by my error. In fact, you might not have even noticed my lack of writing.
Granting myself forgiveness is a strange concept as is letting go of perfectionism. That is part of the whole purpose of this blog though. If I were to beat myself up over missing one day of writing, that would discredit how I am encouraging you to treat yourself and others.
So, my pledge to you is that I will try to write every day. Instead of being anal about this blog, I am going to treat it as a highly important part of my life but not my entire life. My self-worth does not rest on posting regularly or on gaining new followers. Instead, I am someone who deserves love, recovery, and dignity simply because I am a human being. Yes, I will make mistakes and perhaps even miss other days of posting. But that is alright.
I forgive me and hope you do too.