In the depths of depression, people sometimes cannot even find the will to commit suicide. All energy to hurt themselves is drained away from their spirits. Walking through the halls at work, smiling at a friend, waking up in the morning – all of these simple actions take exhausting energy. Even normally enjoyable activities fill one with apathy. The world is painted black, and each movement one takes is like trying to go through tar.
This lack of motivation to live is one of the most difficult parts of depression. There seems to be no hope in sight even when others are clamoring to look on the bright side of life. Mentally, you know that good moments are in store and the world is not an evil place. Yet, the heaviness inside is greater than one person can hold.
That is how I am feeling right now. Even the energy it takes to hurt myself is gone. The play, my school, my dreams – it all has crumbled into a pile of gray ashes that are being blown about in the hurricane of darkness inside of my heart. That might sound melodramatic, but it pales in comparison to how depression really feels.
However, I will get up tomorrow and try to get through another day. That is what we all must do. Despite my lack of motivation, I will force myself to continue. There is a reason that I am on this earth which means that I must keep living. Finding a hole to curl up in and die sounds better at the moment. That is not an option.
We all lack motivation at times. Sometimes it is annoyance at having to go to work again. Other times, it is deeply-rooted pain like I am experiencing now. Whatever the case, the best response is to continue marching forward with our heads held high, our hearts open to others, our brains trying to learn, and our strength ready to fall back into the arms of those who love us if the need should arise.
I will get through this. So will you or any of your loved ones who is struggling. Don’t give up.