Lacking the Motivation to Continue

In the depths of depression, people sometimes cannot even find the will to commit suicide. All energy to hurt themselves is drained away from their spirits. Walking through the halls at work, smiling at a friend, waking up in the morning – all of these simple actions take exhausting energy. Even normally enjoyable activities fill one with apathy. The world is painted black, and each movement one takes is like trying to go through tar.

This lack of motivation to live is one of the most difficult parts of depression. There seems to be no hope in sight even when others are clamoring to look on the bright side of life. Mentally, you know that good moments are in store and the world is not an evil place. Yet, the heaviness inside is greater than one person can hold.

That is how I am feeling right now. Even the energy it takes to hurt myself is gone. The play, my school, my dreams – it all has crumbled into a pile of gray ashes that are being blown about in the hurricane of darkness inside of my heart. That might sound melodramatic, but it pales in comparison to how depression really feels.

However, I will get up tomorrow and try to get through another day. That is what we all must do. Despite my lack of motivation, I will force myself to continue. There is a reason that I am on this earth which means that I must keep living. Finding a hole to curl up in and die sounds better at the moment. That is not an option.

We all lack motivation at times. Sometimes it is annoyance at having to go to work again. Other times, it is deeply-rooted pain like I am experiencing now. Whatever the case, the best response is to continue marching forward with our heads held high, our hearts open to others, our brains trying to learn, and our strength ready to fall back into the arms of those who love us if the need should arise.

I will get through this. So will you or any of your loved ones who is struggling. Don’t give up.

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11 thoughts on “Lacking the Motivation to Continue

  1. I am not there at this moment, but I have been there, where you are standing. Each step is heroic. You’re doing great. Keep going.

  2. panikikubik says:

    A huge hug to you from Sweden. Hang in there!
    I’ve been so sad and depressed the last months after the separation frim my boyfriend, so I can relate to what you are describing. Although you seems to have a tougher time eith esting and thoughts of selfhurt. I think you’re strengt is amazing.
    Di you know what I did yesterday? I went to the place for my boyfriends and my first date. I cried almost all the time, by the fontain on the street, at the cafe. …And I didn’t care if people saw me cry. Right now I’m off to work.
    Keep on fighting, you can do this!!

  3. I feel what you’re feeling because #1 I’ve been there and #2 you write very well!! Hang in there girl as you’re on the right track! ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

  4. Simon Engberg Hansen says:

    Don’t forget you have authentic purpose in a world where this is generally lacking in most people. You help and guide people.

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