One Thousand Thanks: 855 – 865. Not Being in a Clique

Typewriter

The typewriter of C.S. Lewis’s brother – I wonder if they fit into a clique or were outsiders.

The past few days have been really lonely. Recently, I realized that I do not fit into any of the groups at school. Theater kids, the English students, journalism majors, and all of the other groups of people all are kind to me but are tightly knit with each other. There is little need for me. This loneliness has invaded the past few days and stricken me.

Anyway, my therapist told me that people outside of school are not usually in such categories. I do not know if this is true, but it would be so wonderful. She also tried to convince me that being interested in numerous things instead of just one is good. That still does not take away the pain of being alone. However, there are some great elements about being outside of a clique. This Thankfulness Thursday focuses on those benefits instead of wallowing in self-pity.

855. Not being stuck with one crowd – I can move around between groups instead of being with the same people all of the time.

856. Less peer pressure – I do not feel as much pressure to do different activities. This is especially nice when the activities make me feel uncomfortable.

857. Not excluding others – Hopefully I do not do this.

858. Observing from the outside – Sure, it is painful. However, this can provide great inspiration for art as well as insight into how people think.

859. Learning to be confident – Being alone forces me to be confident in myself outside of the approval of others.

860. Having time alone – As an introvert, time alone is much appreciated.

861. Openness to others – Instead of focusing on just my friends, I try to be tuned into everyone around me.

862. Friends from numerous groups – Sometimes I wonder how they view me. Overall, I love them all and am greatly blessed to have them in my life even if they tend to forget me at times.

863. Variety in interactions – When I am feeling dramatic, theater people understand. Literary friends, on the other hand, like to freak out with me about a new novel.

864. Being able to end relationships if needed – If someone is unhelpful or unkind, I can eliminate them from my life more easily than if I was in their group.

865. Not having to be alone in this – There are other people who are in the same situation as me. Even in this loneliness, I am not totally alone.

 

Links to previous posts:

799 – 809

810 – 821

822 – 832

833- 843

844 – 854

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12 thoughts on “One Thousand Thanks: 855 – 865. Not Being in a Clique

  1. jefairgrieve says:

    First, I feel the need to define “clique.” To me, a clique is a casual group of people who seem to be attracted to one another for some reason. It’s not like a support group where people usually have a common stated purpose for being together. I think that the lack of formal purpose is what makes me leery of cliques. The fact that there is no stated purpose makes me wonder what is going on beneath the surface. I agree, however, that not being in any cliques can make a person feel left out. When a person is in a clique, it’s easy to derive a sense of worth from the fact that one is accepted by that group and belongs. This is a wonderful feeling! The downside, however, is that in the eyes of people outside the group, there may be no distinction made between the individuals who make up the clique and the clique as a whole. The values demonstrated by the behavior of the clique as a whole may be taken to be the values of each individual member. If the behavior is positive and is contributing to the welfare of others, that may be good for the individuals in the clique, but if the behavior is negative, then would you really want to be identified with that clique??

    Your therapist’s experience and mine differ somewhat in that I have found plenty of cliques in the workplace, in churches, in neighborhoods, etc. I usually avoid being in a clique simply because I like to be taken on my own terms. Also, a lot of times the topics of conversation among members of a clique may not be interesting to me. I don’t tolerate boredom well, nor do I enjoy listening to people talk about other people. I would not want to be the topic of a clique’s conversation myself, so I’m not comfortable listening to members of a clique talk about other people.

    On the other hand, being in a support group of people who gather together because they have an interest in common or a common need
    gives me a sense of belonging and acceptance and also usually a sense that my presence contributes to the purpose of the group, a good thing. So I really don’t need to be in a clique in order to feel included or to feel as if I fit somewhere. In my opinion, if a person does something to contribute to the well-being of others, that person “fits” into society just fine! You have helped so many people by publishing your posts that you fit without a doubt into the greater group of society as a whole. Cliques come and go, but the greater group we call “society” remains, and it’s society as a whole that is of the greatest importance. You fit!

    • That is a great definition of a clique! They do have benefits but also negative aspects. I know that I would not be happy in one (for the most part), but being out of them also is difficult.

  2. You have such a great attitude!! Keep being as positive as you are!

  3. Thank you so much for writing this. I have a similar problem of floating between groups, and it’s really easy to start feeling like other people don’t need me or that something is wrong with me. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but it’s nice to now that I’m not alone (and you’re not alone either).

    • There is nothing wrong with you although nobody is perfect of course, but I know that is so hard to believe. Even this shall pass. That is what I have to keep saying to myself. Thanks for reading, and I really hope that some people are able to have their eyes opened to your wonderfulness and show you how much they care.

  4. ladygracet says:

    You have rather hit upon a rather interesting topic. To be honest I do not tend to mind the position of a loner, certainly it’s less stressful. However I will give you the wise advice that I always wanted to strangle my mom when she gave it to me or my sister, whenever we did not want to go to a social event. It sort of applies. Basically, to not go for yourself but go to see in what ways you can serve others. Even without recognition, even if they never even care that you are gone or not.
    As far as being lonely, perhaps some of those same people who ‘belong’ to the group feel the same way you do.
    Although, I am starting to doubt that is an exactly comforting thought.” Ohhh… your suffering, don’t worry other people are suffering too!” Terrific.

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