“You did gain weight since I last weighed you.” My dietitian finally admitted this morning. “What has been happening differently?”
I wanted to scream. For the past months, she has listened to me moan about my fear of gaining weight and heard me say that I have put on more than my goal amount. However, she never believed me.
“That is just your eating disorder talking,” was her typical response. However, I am not stupid. My clothing feels different, my body looks different, and people talk about my appearance differently. Sure, I am paranoid about my weight, but something is certainly happening. Now she acts surprised when I have been trying to tell her this every meeting.
My trust of her has eroded to the point where I wonder if seeing her is helpful. She looked at my charts and stated, “Maybe the problem is you are having too much dessert.”
You think? I had cried about this multiple times in her office. The hardest thing to admit to (to both you who are reading and to her) is my loss of control with dessert. It has grown worse and worse. Barely anyone knows because I am so ashamed. This makes me sob into my pillow at night and cut myself if not kill myself.
However, my dietitian kept telling me that I just needed to eat more. “Than you won’t be hungry for dessert.”
No, that did not work. Nothing is working. Now she is confused about why I am having a hard time and does not know how to help me. I don’t want to be asked, “What coping skills can you use?” I just want her to listen instead of assuming and actually help me.
So now I am left once again without a dietitian that I trust. Sure, this time is different because I do have the medical provider. However, I sure do not trust her at the moment. What do you do in a situation like this?
There will be times when you find doctors and medical providers who you do not trust. Anyone who has a health issue will run into this problem. Maybe they are not the right fit for you. Other times, you might be seeing something that could be serious enough to endanger others. We need to figure out what to do in such situations.
Making the right decision is not simple. I have no idea where to turn or how to get help. However, something needs to change with my medical team. Either trust will be regained or the relationship will be ended. That is the simple but straight answer.
In fact, that is the way it should be with any health provider that you distrust. Giving up on him or her right away might not be the answer. However, be sure that the trust is firmly established again. Having someone that you trust to help you with your illness is essential. If that cannot be your current doctor, it might be time to find a new one.