Recently, I have called someone (other than my siblings) a negative word several times. To his face.
“You are kind of selfish,” followed a few weeks later by “You are a real jerk,” and finished up with “You are delusional.”
Thinking about this is rather shameful for me. Sure, the words were not horrendous. I did not curse or degrade him hatefully. My tone of voice was exasperated and frustrated, yes, but not spiteful or cruel.
Still, I would feel guiltier except for two things: what I said was true, and he needed to hear it.
Thus, was it ok for me to call him a name or describe him with an unkind adjective? I feel divided. There are several ways to look at this issue. My case is not the only one where this dilemma must be faced. Life is full of times when we must choose to be honest or nice, biting or simpering, aggressive or passive. Why does there not seem to be a middle path sometimes?
You could argue that my words were fine. This person has toyed with my emotions, blamed me for his troubles, and laughed at my frustrations. When I try to put distance between us, he continually teases me with kind words before tripping me with great mirth as I fall on my face. I may be naive, but even I now know that his charming smile hides his ability to send poison arrows with his words.
Ugh, there I go again. Just thinking about him makes me upset which means that I start not being nice. Honesty has its values, but bluntness can be taken too far.
That is the other side of this issue. My words might have been true, but that does not mean that they should have been said. Maybe learning to keep my thoughts bottled up inside would be valuable. I am good at doing this in certain regards, yet Aspergers makes it very hard at other times. I do not quite understand how that works.
After pondering these two ways of addressing the issue, I still feel lost. Is it ok to call someone a name? If yes, then when? If yes, then how am I different than him or her?
One thing that I do wish is that I had not said “You are” but instead “You are being” or “You are acting.” Even throwing in the word “sometimes” might have been a good idea. That might soften the blow but still the question lingers. What are your thoughts?