The Silent Scream for Help

Girl sadly thinking "what now"

Now what?

All of me has been screaming out today or really the past few months. My mind, my feeling, my very blood coursing through my body is screeching with pain. I do not know where to turn or who to go to as the thoughts grow louder and more desperate.

When I hear of people who cannot take it anymore and do something dirastic, I understand. Life can feel so unbearable. A box of hot iron box closing in slowly as it burns you alive, an avalanche of snow burying you frozen in place with lessening oxygen, a whip that cracks down open your back until you are raw and exposed with no ability to stand on your own – that is life now.

Yet, even looking at those metaphors seems lame. When I try to speak, my words embarrass me. Whines and petty annoyances, that is all I seem to articulate. People judge that and me which turns off even more of my lights of hope that I desperately tried to switch on. Flip, flip, flip. Each day, a few more lights are switched off.

However, there are people who do try to turn back on those lights or bring some candles to at least leave a glow. Their kindness means so much. My ability to understand and accept it, however, is another story. I just feel alone, crying to myself, hoping that someone will hear the silent screams.

This too shall pass. If nothing else can bring me hope, that phrase gives just a bit of peace. This too shall pass.

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22 thoughts on “The Silent Scream for Help

  1. staystrong10 says:

    Love that phrase.
    Have you considered reaching out for help?
    I’m here if you need to talk.

  2. Glad to hear your mother was helpful. During these type of times is when I learned could do anything for 5 minutes. If I looked at a whole day, I would feel so overwhelmed. I could do 5 minutes. Sometimes I set the timer. Distractions like mindless video games, books, anything to divert the mind from the pain. Just 5 more minutes. I am sorry you are hurting so much.

  3. jefairgrieve says:

    Stay with the process, Anna Rose. You have a lot of readers and friends who care.

  4. Please look up that sight I gave you. I promise it will help a bit, at least.

  5. One day at a time…hang in there…

  6. My heart goes out to you my dear. I have felt very alone for many years, even though I am married and have two kids. The problem is that no one notices that I exist. Oh they want me to cook and clean and take care of them. But no one cares about my feelings and takes care of me. I tell you this, not to make you sad about someone else, although this helps sometimes to feel bad for others takes away the sadness for ourselves. But to let you know that I understand feeling alone and invisible. The things that have helped me the most is to talk to God and ask him to help me through (this way I am not alone), to help others (this way I am feeling needed and worth something), to write on my blog (to let my feelings out) and to do nice things for myself (this one is the hardest one for me to do).

    As desperate the situation is, you are not alone. Take a breath and think back over all the things that you survived in the past. You really are strong. Just right now you need to take care of yourself. Your little girl inside of you is crying out to be heard. If no one is listening, you listen. Talk to her and ask her what one thing you can do to help her right now.

    You are important and have been placed on this earth for a reason. You may never know what that reason is, but you are to stand tall and know that you are doing what you are supposed to do. So don’t waiver. Go forward. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. If you can’t crawl, than pull yourself forward one inch at a time. Important thing is that you are never giving up.

    If you are tired rest. If your world is spinning and you feel that everything is closing in on you, just stop and look at one thing, see one thing that is good in your life and feel proud of that one thing. Even if it is that one bathroom facet that you keep clean. Feel proud and think often on that one accomplishment.

    Life is not what you do, it is not how you succeed or improve. You feel handicapped by life? Good, now live that handicap to the fullest. You are depressed and have anxiety? Good, now know that your depression is going to bring you closer to God and the person that you are meant to be. Your anxiety is going to make you lean on Him.

    What is your first step? Take a deep breath, listen to some small noise around you and take the time to notice all the things you are grateful for. Thank God and then ask Him to use you today, to brighten someone’s day. Each day He will give you hope, by giving you a divine appointment. Enjoy each surprise He brings you.

    You have lots of people who will listen to you. Maybe not in the flesh, but what is a blog if you can’t share your feelings. Share and feel others start to support you. Then help others that are dealing with the same feelings as you and you will find that you are stronger than you think.

    I am here! You are heard! Thank you for being my divine appointment today. God needed to say something to you today. Know that He loves you.
    Meghan

  7. brestrobel says:

    Writing is a great outlet, I’m glad you continue to write about your struggle and help others. I wish I had any advice for you, but honestly, when times like this hit, I often don’t know what to do either but try to find the courage to talk to someone.

  8. mewhoami says:

    It will pass. Everything does. You never know what amazing things the future may hold, but you won’t find out if you don’t let yourself get there. The future is worth holding on for. Just take it one day at a time.

  9. MEM says:

    Hope that you see that your presence in the world makes a difference to so many others. How unfortunate that it is through the faceless internet that we can extend love. How wonderful that the internet gives all of us a place to extend love. I like the comments from my fellow readers. We all care about you and want to see you make it through this time, even just 5 minutes at a time.

  10. ATSF Roswell says:

    You are a beautiful artist with your words and your imagination. Don’t deprive us of you!

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