Yesterday was one of the most draining days of my life. Riding into Chicago on night and out of it the next evening on a bus is exhausting even if you are seated the whole time. Thankfully, a classmate was unexpectedly with me on the journey there, and I met a hilarious, kind woman on the way home.
Then came the audition. There were over 200 people present at one of the many locations vying for only 2,000 roles. Once I realized this, I still tried to do my best but also found great peace in acceptance that getting into this position would be nearly miraculous. Thus, when I was not offered a role, I left feeling still excited about being part of the Disney College Program in another way. Living there, still being a part by making the park magical even if I am not dressed up, and taking classes will be amazing. This is still my dream.
However, admitting that I was not cast to others…that is terrifying. Everyone seemed sure that I could do it or convinced that it would be a waste of time if I was not a performer. Letting others down is the real pain that is throbbing in my heart today.
Even while feeling this way, I wonder if friends and family will really be upset with me. Sure, they wanted me to be a princess. However, what is cooler than working and living at Disney World? Not much. Hopefully, they will understand that this still brings me so much joy and excitement.
Going back to school and theater will be the most difficult part. Everyone there is super talented and sometimes seem a bit above those who choose a path outside of “real” theater or “true” art. Still, all that I can do is conduct my own response. What they think indicates their own standards and/or prejudices, not mine.
I am still glad that I auditioned although so relieved that it is over now. May cannot come soon enough! This upcoming step in my life will be truly magical although still difficult at times. Disney World, I am ready to come soon! 🙂