Over the past semester, bitterness towards me school has built up inside of me. The firing of dear faculty, condemning of my views, and belittling of me with others’ superiority has bothered me. At times, I did not know if I even wanted to walk with my graduating class this May.
However, the last few days have amazingly melted away some of my bitterness. A wonderful chapel speech from a great leader who complimented my performance and knew my name, kind words from the class president who also remembered my name (how?), and a surprisingly uplifting theology class all contributed to this change. Plus, numerous relationships are healing beautifully and making me sorrowful about leaving Minnesota.
Letting bitterness leave is a scary feeling. What if you let people get away with hurting you? How will releasing those pent-up emotions change your view on life? Don’t you deserve to be angry?
Yes, we all can be (and even should be) angry at times. There is nothing wrong with that feeling. However, dwelling in a dark place and letting frustration bubble up inside is certainly not healthy. That is the recipe for bitterness. Instead of being helpful, this becomes a chain that ties us to the past and a sheer but dark blindfold placed over our eyes. We can no longer see the world without the bitterness in the way or leave the memories of the place that bound us in the first place. Instead of making us feel better and receive justice, bitterness makes our lives more miserable.
Choosing to releasing this chain is still not easy. It can be a long and grueling task. Still, hope remains that any person can break free and dissolve the bitterness. Other people and deep healing might need to be involved. The process differs for each person. In the end, the outcome is fairly similar: a more peaceful and joyful life.
Thus, I am so happy that my bitterness is beginning to melt away; this is partly in thanks to the great people and situations in my life. However, I am also choosing to let go and choose forgiveness as well as peace.
Do I still disagree with choices made at my school? Am I still deeply hurt by mistakes people made here in the past five years? Certainly. That, however, does not need to make me hate the whole university.
I choose to live without bitterness; the chain is being broken, and the blindfold burned. My life will be lived free without bondage to this darkness.