Saying goodbye is so difficult, yet I will not stop saying “Hello.”
This is a lesson that I have learned numerous times in my life. Meeting dozens of people in treatment and then saying farewell without knowing if they would even survive, watching employees come and go at the place I lived, being in over thirty shows with different groups of people each time – I have been forced to say many goodbyes.
Each goodbye feels like a part of my heart is being cut out of my chest. This is fitting because I try to give a bit of myself to each person I meet. Sometimes this is easier to do with certain people than others. However, my hope is to bring a smile of joy or ray of hope to each person I encounter whether that be the cashier at Publix, my roommates, a guest, or my family.
Thus, I want each person to walk away from me with something gained. That, however, means I lose something. Call that energy, time, emotions, etc. I call that a bit of my heart.
These partings are so painful but do hold a tinge of beauty. They prove that I am human. They prove that I can make friends. They prove that I can love others deeply.
It is frightening to admit this, but they even prove that others love me. Saying goodbye and feeling this pain proves that I am loved.
I am loved.
Writing and publishing that almost makes me feel ashamed, but it is the truth. As much as saying goodbye to many of my fellow cast members today and tomorrow stings, I find hope in the beauty within the pain.
This is a continuous struggle I will face throughout life, but that is ok. It simply makes me human and a love one at that.