Down in Florida, I am doing more on my own than I ever dreamed that I would. Paying for rent, food, and other needs on my own is one challenge. So is working overtime every week, commuting nearly three hours a day, and still maintaining friendships.
Yet, I am managing. Life is very difficult at times, yes, but nothing that I cannot handle.
Or so I thought. Sometimes life feels like wack-a-mole or running after a toddler; the minute that you are finished with one thing, you have to chase after another one.
Lately, my PTSD has been a bit of a struggle. Sure, I function around thousands of men every day. Yet, little things can still terrify me. Too long of a stare, an accidental brush of skin, a pet name, even just a text message can make me feel like I am drowning.
Being in the middle of a PTSD breakdown is a bit hard to explain. These differs for each person and even at each time. However, your breath often starts to accelerate as your heart races. You feel like a NASA car, revving to go. In fact, that is just what you want to do, flee from the situation.
Sometimes, I feel like I am trapped in ice. There is nowhere that I can go. Moving, even breathing, is impossible. Think of feeling like that while wanting to run to the far end of the earth. Never have I felt so trapped as in these moments.
Thus, having these feelings and fears makes dealing with life difficult at times. No one wants to start shaking and sobbing ten minutes before class starts or be too scared of getting hurt to talk to a friendly guy.
However, I need to remember that with each new stage in my life will come new challenges. That is just part of life in general. You just need to get up each day and keep facing each hardship with hope and confidence. After all, you came this far, right?