The other day when I was grouping people onto the carousal – AKA herding them into a small space to count how many people will be on the next ride – which is a job that terrifies me because I need to tell guests to do something they hate doing, a fellow cast member and great friend named Amanda said one of the sweetest things ever.
“You have gotten so good with people!” She beamed. “I feel like a proud mother.”
Firstly, I miss that girl so much! Secondly, it was refreshing to hear that I did not sound annoying as I asked everyone to keep moving down and squishing closer to the people ahead of them.
However, what made this comment especially meaningful was that she noticed. She noticed not only how I was able to keep smiling and interacting with people while doing my job but also how I had struggled at first. She noticed how scared I was inside and how I masked that in order to do my job as well as possible. She noticed that I was better with people than I thought but still worried each day because of social anxiety.
All of that noticing meant so much to me. Most people do not notice my autism which is fine. That makes my life simpler.
Yet, sometimes it frustrates me that people fail to notice. They lack perception to know that I freak out about every word that comes out of my mouth, judging whether it was socially appropriate or not. They do not realize how far I have come from the girl who used to cry and throw up at the thought of going to a wedding.
Yes, being noticed is wonderful. We all want that to happen, to have people in our lives who notice the little things and the small successes. I hope to do that for others and to surround myself with those who do the same.