“But you promised.”
That is one of the resounding thoughts in my life. I am constantly disappointed because someone promises to hang out with me or give me a present or be there for me but he or she fails to keep to what they promised.
Time and time again, these types of situations have popped up in my life. My mother cautioned me to not expect too much out of others and expect people to feel the same sense of urgency in commitments. However, I did not listen. After all, if someone says she will do something, that is a promise that should be kept. Right?
This week, I really wanted to hang out with someone who realized later other plans had been made already. At first, the phrase repeated itself. “But you promised,” my mind whined.
Then, I realized that she had not. All that had happened was she said “Yes” to doing something and then realized that would not work. That is not a vow or even a promise. It was more of a hope and plan.
Most people realize this social phenominon. However, Aspergers makes it more difficult. I tend to take things as absolutes. You are coming at 3:00? Then come at 3:00! You will be with me forever? Then be there! We can hang out Saturday? Then you will drop all else to do so!
That might sound selfish. Maybe it is. However, it is more about planning and being ready than anything else. Not being prepared is scary. I want to know what is going to happen in my day. Floating through it and making plans on the go is so terrifying! Scheduling and order are needed to keep me calm.
Slowly, I am learning not to expect promises. If one is made, I try not to hold it too closely to my heart. It might be meant with the best of intentions, but even those are forgotten quickly.
A promise to a neurotypical person differs from that from someone with Autism. That is not bad or wrong. Both have good elements. One must simply learn how to decipher