There is a cliche or saying about being treated as we think we deserve. Slowly, I am coming to realize how true this is.
I feel worthless and desperate for anyone in my life. This attracts the wrong types of people sometimes, especially romantically. There are some nice guys who have expressed interest in me, but most have been inconsiderate at best and abusive at worst.
Why is it that I bring such people to me, I wondered. Finally I realized it is partially because I allow them in with the thought that I cannot do any better.
Now, blaming the victim is not the purpose of this post. I am not responsible for being assaulted or insulted cruelly. However, I did allow these people into my life because I thought that I could do no better. How pathetic is that?
Now, my friends are wonderful people full of love for me. This has shown me what to look for in any type of relationship. I still struggle with what I think that I deserve, but at least my group of friends is treating me better than what I feel worth.
Maybe one day I will find a man who is similar. That probably will not be until I am sure of my own worth and know what I truly deserve which is someone amazing, kind, considerate, self-less, forgiving, and loyal among other things. I don’t feel like I deserve that now but am gradually warming up to the idea.