More Depression and More Time = Less Productivity?

Why is it that I can accomplish nothing with all of the time that I have? Why is it that when you are depressed, getting even the littlest thing done feels like you moved the Great Wall of China to New York City?

I want to write but only have words when I am going on walks. I want to perform but am too scared to audition. I want to work and think that I have a job but hate waiting to know my first day.

Lack of money, motivation, and structure are sucking away my hope. I am trying as hard as I can at the moment, but that must not be hard enough. What more can be done?

On top of that, eating has been miserable. I want to eat healthy amounts but know that I am using food to cope with being lonely, lost, and ashamed. I hate how I look and feel so embarrassed of myself.

With all the time that I have, I should be devoting more to this blog. I am sorry that I have failed. Right now, it seems like I cannot do anything right.

This should end on a positive note, but I cannot think of anything at the moment. I’m sorry. Maybe tomorrow will be better?


4 thoughts on “More Depression and More Time = Less Productivity?

  1. Writing what you did tonight helped me. I feel this way too. It was like you were describing my feelings. Hang in there Anna Rose. Remember your ED will grasp on to anything. It’s sneaky. I am so proud of you. Maybe this is just a frustrating stage of recovery? Baby steps. Can you make structure for yourself? I am going to try doing that myself tomorrow. Love & hugs. Text me. I would love it. No worries if you can’t. I know it can be hard. You are an inspiration and you are not alone. It’s hard navigating this crazy world. And of course your ED will flare up & make it about food & your body. Fight ED. Love you! Carolyn “Carrie” – from Emily Program.

  2. 80smetalman says:

    Hang in there, the thought that tomorrow will be better has kept me going for many years.

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