Yesterday at work, I asked to run food to cashiers instead of being on a cash register. My anxiety about doing something wrong (especially since no one wanted to train me and so spent little time with me) has been surging. I cannot wait to be at Disney again.
Someone asked if I could do register. Freezing with fear, I just stared at a coworker. “She’s running for us,” my coworker loyally stated.
“I am nervous about doing register,” I admitted sheepishly.
“Oh, it’s easy!” Another person stated.
“She’s fragile,” the first coworker responded to my surprise. The others just nodded and moved on as I tried to figure out that word.
Fragile. It is a good word to describe me. In fact, I have used it in the past in relation to myself. The surprising part is not the connection but that someone else noticed it. Especially someone who only met me a little while ago.
Fragile does not mean weak necessarily. It means easily breakable. It means handle with care. It means be extra gentle. All of those apply to me.
Anxiety does make me fragile. My emotions are easily shaken, my fear makes me crumble quickly, and my thoughts scatter swiftly. This is something I have always dealt with along with my family and close friends. Did other people always notice my fragility as well? How does it come across? There are so many questions that I have now.
Interestingly, fragility also can show the worth of an object. Many valuable items are fragile. That fact gives me a strange sense of comfort. At least, being fragile is not connected to being worthless.
Anyway, those are just some rambling thoughts I had after that comment at work. I don’t know if “fragile” is the perfect world to describe me, but I sure like it better than “weak” or “worthless.” Maybe it is something I can use as a steppingstone to something that even more accurately describes who I am.