People yelling at me. Others turning away. Friends giving up. Strangers judging.
These are some of my biggest fears. Whenever someone is angry, I want to hide. When that frustration or fury is directed at me, the anxiety bubbling inside is even more difficult.
However, there are times when facing a huge fear turns into a victory. Actually, any event where you challenge your anxiety and fear is a win. In certain situations, you will end up sobbing afterward, feeling like a failure. In others, you realize that you are not as scared and feel victorious.
Yesterday was a wonderful example of the later. I worked alone for my first time. Nearly in tears out of fear and confusion, I wished that I had made it clearer that I was not ready for such a task. Serving alcohol, smiling at people, just standing alone all were too much for me to handle. There was nothing that I could do if something went wrong, no one for me to reach out to, or so it seemed.
As the evening progressed, the job came more naturally. I laughed at silly jokes from customers, wished people a good evening, and even did a great job pouring beer without foam.
“This isn’t too bad!” I shocked myself by thinking. After being terrified of work, I finally was enjoying myself and caring for those around me.
Then disaster struck. Someone needed something that I could not give them. I tried my best to make my technology work, but it simply did not have that option. As the customer grew frustrated, my greatest fear began to happen. Someone was furious with me. And at work! How could this get any worse?
Then a huge blessing took place. The person looked at me and stated, “I am not mad at you.”
Those simple words meant the world to me. This person went on to compliment me in front of my supervisor who came to fix the situation. Suddenly, my worst fear was crushed. Those words smashed it. I had no need to be scared; after all, I had done my best.
Sometimes, confronting a fear goes miserably. Other times, you feel refreshed and less scared for next time. Thankfully, the second situation is what happened yesterday. Maybe next time someone is mad at me, I can take a step back and not be as nervous. After all, is that person really mad at me or the situation?