When is Nice Too Nice?

Darth Vadar

My fear is that if I am not nice, I will be something like him.

Yesterday, two friends were (playfully) bickering. Laughing a bit, I attempted to diffuse the situation a bit. “You can kick me under the table if you need to,” I offered.

“You’re so nice and sweet,” one remarked.

“That’s not sweet. That’s messed up! Who let’s themselves be kicked?” The other friend questioned. “What happened to you in your past that you are so submissive?”

A lot. A lot happened in my past that made me the way that I am today. Yet, a lot did not happen too. I have pain, yes, but nothing too extremely traumatic. Sometimes I feel silly that I act the way that I do.

Anyway, his questions made me think about niceness and sweetness. Is it possible to be too nice or sweet? Is it possible to use that as an excuse for letting others walk all over you?

Certainly. Funnily, I allow others to treat me badly but begin to become bitter about it when they do. Few people know the hurt they have caused me, yet that does not negate the fact that it is there.

So when is nice too nice? Being friends with someone who is lonely is nice, but being friends with someone who is alone because he is cruel to you and others is too nice. Driving a friend around for a few days is nice, but constantly driving a friend without a car to work for weeks is too nice. Joking with friends and poking fun at yourself can be nice, but allowing others to seriously make fun of you is too nice.

Those are just a few ways that you can be too nice as opposed to being nice. I get so scared that if I stop being too nice I will not longer be nice either. However, there are plenty of people in the world who are nice but not overly nice. There is a way to find a healthy balance.

Do you struggle with being overly nice? If so, do you want to try to find that balance of niceness with me? I would love for us to start being genuinely nice but also nice to ourselves.

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4 thoughts on “When is Nice Too Nice?

  1. flutistpride says:

    I have a very different definition of “overly nice”. Some people take genuine pleasure in driving their friend to work for weeks (as a temporary means until other means of transportation are available) or serving in ways others see as “menial” or “beneath them”. Others don’t. I think being “overly nice” means being nice at the expense of your own wellbeing with an outcome that does more harm than good. I would let myself be kicked if it meant protecting someone else, but never just for the sake of being kicked. (I’m a choleric-sanguine ESFJ.)

  2. 80smetalman says:

    I know this all too well. I’ve been nice to a fault because I’ve been led to believe that everyone will think I’m an a****** if I don’t be this way. It took me too many years and emotional scars before I figured out that the problem was with them, not me.

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