Am I Anyone without a Smile?

Some days, the smiles just don't want to come.

Some days, the smiles just don’t want to come.

From theater to Disney, my life has constantly been filled with places where I need to smile. I enjoy smiling. When I see others smiling, my heart feels lighter especially if I helped bring about their joy. I don’t mind keeping a smile on my face for hours on end when I see it positively influencing others.

However, I sometimes feel more like crying than smiling. Then, I realize that people think of me as someone who always smiles. Who would I be without my smile? This haunts me.

I don’t feel like I do great at my job. I never thought I was talented on stage. I rarely think I do anything well, to be honest.

But I smile. I smile until my face hurts but never let that show.

Often I wonder if people think that is all that I have to offer. Oh Anna Rose. She’s not very quick or pretty or talented or smart. But she sure can smile. She’s the happiest person that I know!

Thus, when someone (usually a stranger) tells me “Put a smile on that pretty face” or “Let me see that smile,” I want to scream. I want to yell that I need a moment to rest from constantly putting on a smile and trying to brighten the world around me. Instead, I just force my mouth upwards and try not to cry.

I want to believe that people will love me no matter what, but deep down, I think they will leave me the moment I stop being smiley and cheerful. Who am I if not positive and bubbly? Could I possibly have more emotions than just happiness?

On day, I hope that my depression and smiles will merge, that I will see myself as one person instead of nothing without a smile. Until that day, I will keep grinning and trying not to cry when others scold me for a flaw in my happy demeanor.


20 thoughts on “Am I Anyone without a Smile?

  1. 80smetalman says:

    Let me make a quote from one of my favourite songs: The face puts on its best disguise and all is well until the heart betrays. Sometimes you just got to not smile. I’m sure you are actually good at your job and everything else.

  2. Robert says:

    of course you are someone. Jesus thought enough of you to shed his blood on the cross for you. your value lies in the fact that when you were baptized you became a child of God. that is an awesome calling. the creator thinks you are worth very much regardless if you are smiling or not. none of us are happy 24×7 we live moment to moment with some moments being better than others. it is a beautiful thing that you are always trying to bring joy to others with your smile and love but realize you are human and there are times when you might not have the strength to smile and that is part of being human. Anna Rose remember that Jesus said we must pick up our cross every day and follow Him. You can actually take your cross of sorrow and depression and say Jesus I accept this sorrow and unite it with your suffering on the cross and he will lovingly accept it and then apply your gift in cooperation with His grace to another soul who may have been about to enter hell so that they can be saved. think about that. even when you aren’t able to smile you would still be giving to others from the love in your heart that will help others get to heaven. then I promise you that in heaven you will never have to find the strength to smile any longer for you will smile eternally without fatigue. and think of the smiles on the faces of those who got to heaven because you prayed and offered to Jesus your cross of suffering. you will have brought a true smile to their face eternally and not just for a fleeting moment.

    God bless you,

  3. MEM says:

    Dear Miss Rose with Thorns,
    It is not a flaw in your demeanor – the fact that at times there are no smiles – it means you are human, with all the emotions and ups and downs of life in this world. Keep working to merge your depression with your smiles. There will be beauty there.

  4. slesser1013 says:

    Love yourself first and believe in yourself…

  5. I’ve always loved that saying, “A friend is someone who can see the pain in your eyes when everyone else still believes the smile on your face.” Those are the ones who are worth it. xx

  6. Sometimes pasting on a smile is the hardest thing to do. I often sport a rather grumpy look I like to refer to as my Default Face! Others are known to call it my Resting Bitch Face! Feel free to borrow. Anyone asks you to smile from now on feel free to snap & ask “what!”? Like it’s any of their right.

  7. MicheleV says:

    smile for yourself. Smile because it shines your beauty from within and makes your heart happy. As the proverb goes, A happy face makes the heart cheerful. But you cannot always be happy, and I hope that as you grow and get more experiences in life you will see that the only one that it really matters that they are happy is yourself.
    I have whats been called resting b!tch face. I have put to bed long ago the expectations of not “looking angry” since I have a mostly happy heart. lol. I even tell people, oh please. I am thinking. I don’t always need to be smiling.
    If people judge your face know their lives must be sad.
    I also have had to learn to ‘stay out of peoples heads’.
    I used to do it to my husband all the time. It is not easy, and it takes practice… but I can honestly say I now do not give two crow poops about what anyone else thinks.
    There will always be someone somewhere that is not happy.
    Make sure that someone is not you!
    You are your own best friend and worst enemy… you are very good at ‘faking it’ and ‘acting’. I understand this because I used to do it all the time.
    but true freedom comes in saying f u to everyones expectations and being yourself, whether people like it or not.
    and if that means not smiling… so be it.
    if that means smiling…. so be it.
    you are the only one that has to go to sleep with yourself so you should treat yourself better than anyone else does.

    • You are so wise! I do want to smile for myself more often. Forgetting that leads me to dislike the act of smiling, which is actually pretty wonderful. Yes, it is hard to stay out of people’s heads. I need to remember that they will let me in if they want to. Everyone has a right to be happy or not. 🙂 And I think that you have a lovely face! 😀

  8. torithibs says:

    Your blog has helped me so much in my preparation for the Disney College Program (I arrive on Monday!). Know that you are far more than just a smile – you are an incredible woman created by God who has used her talents to influence so many people (including me). Thank you for all that you do!

    • Oh my goodness! Congrats! I am glad that you are joining the Disney family! 😀 Welcome! I hope that you have lots of fun here although it will be hard work. Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂

  9. A.M. Simpson says:

    You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God knew you and already had a plan for your life before you were even born! You are no surprise to God as you are his princess of the most highest God. He made us to sit with Him in the heavenly places. That’s where you are. Now that’s something to smile about! You may not think smiling is important at times. But it really is. Many sour faced and negative people out there who have no control over it. How utterly sad. Have you heard about the homeless man who would write eternity all over the streets of Sydney Australia, literally. He had so much impact on people to be saved. Sometimes it doesn’t take much. 🙂

    • Thank you so much for your words! It is hard to remember sometimes, but my role as God’s child should never be taken for granted. 🙂 It is indeed something to smile about. I will have to look into the man from Sydney because that sounds like a fascinating story!

Please share your thoughts

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s