I am not even sure how to start this exactly. The wait between these posts (both for you reading and me writing) has been far too long.
Life has been a bit hectic and full of changes lately. Since my last post in June (forever ago, I know), I have been offered a new job which I will be leaving the country for in a few months. After years of dreaming and doubting myself, I am going to be teaching English in China. Better yet, the Disney company will still be my employer.
The joy of taking this new step in life comes hand-in-hand with the fear of change. Am I really moving to a country across the world that I have never been to before? How will I learn Mandarin that quickly? How will I survive without my family and friends? How will I ever be confident enough to teach?
These thoughts and more plague me. However, I am ready to take off on this new adventure or at least in the process of getting ready. Preparation for this job is so much work! I am drained trying to do it as well as work a full-time job. Sometimes, my depression tells me just to give up on all of it. After all, I could be a worthless instructor. There was a reason that I changed my major from Education to English.
However, this opportunity reminds me of how much I love to learn and how that love can be imparted to others. Also, I deeply care for children and enjoy watching them grow. Plus, adventure and experiencing other cultures are things that I am scared of but desperately desire. Therefore, this new job will be wonderful – terribly hard at times, but wonderful nonetheless.
Looking back to a year ago, I realize how far I have come. Looking at Facebook’s memories is a good way for me to see concretely where I was a year or more ago. It always shocks me how much I have matured over time.
Two days ago, I saw a picture of myself from a year ago that shocked me and brought an ocean of memories crashing back down onto me. I haven’t talked about this on my blog and don’t intend to delve into it in depth now, but a year ago from the 27th, I met a man who later assaulted me. The things he did and words he said still haunt me today. If I could go back and not meet him, I would quickly.
However, that girl a year ago is now a far stronger woman. That horrible event did not shatter me like I thought it would. I continued to work, continued to smile, continued to care for others. Now, I have worse PTSD but also am smarter and more prepared. I would not want that event to happen again but know that I am wiser and possibly safer because of it.
It is amazing how someone can come back stronger than before, but that has been much of the story of my life. I hope to come back to this blog in that way too. I am stronger and will continue to become more so with my journey to China.