I’m No Longer Human; I’m Just a Patient

Water lilly

The doctor saw me less than 20 minutes. In that amount of time, he prescribed me two medications and told me to stop taking one I had been given less than a week earlier. One of those medications cost nearly $150 with insurance even when using the generic instead of the brand.

He didn’t say a word about the cost. Just gave me the slip and sent me on my way.

Now, I have met some wonderful doctors, therapists, nurses, psychiatrists, dietitians, and other care providers throughout my 13 years of treatment. However, others have given me the feeling of being incompetent, dellusional, and unable to function at all.

At my lowest point, maybe I was unable to function and live a normal life. However, I have never been incompetent. Even in my darkest times, I was still a human who deserved to be treated as such.

Now, many changes have taken place in my life. I am certainly able to function and have proven that not only to my family and friends but also myself. Being treated like a patient instead of a human makes me want to scream.

It also makes me want to give up. Is this all people see me as? Will I ever be a human? I feel nauseous, sick of being a patient when I just want to live my life.

18 thoughts on “I’m No Longer Human; I’m Just a Patient

  1. brestrobel says:

    Self talk. I know, wishy-washy secular stuff, but think of yourself the way God thinks of you. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful. Your broken places are the places God can fill to make you stronger. You ARE strong, in all those places you feel week, because of that. A doctor who makes you feel like just a patient? Not a phenomenal doctor. Someone else’s bedside manner says nothing about you as a person. Nothing.

  2. MEM says:

    Dear Miss Rose with Thorns,
    Many doctors think they are the ones in charge of your health care; that is “old school.” Today it is more common, but not 100%, that doctors recognize that in fact YOU are the one in charge of your health. Thus, you listen to their advice and continue to discern what is best. I agree that this one may not be a phenomenal doctor. Unfortunately, in mental health you have to play the game for a while. You ARE braver than you think and stronger than you know. Keep your chin up. Better days are coming. Right now you are in the thorns, but your flower that blooms is fragrant and beautiful.

  3. I always suggest to ask more questions. Make them see you as a human being. While you shouldn’t need to sometimes they are just going through the motions. Next! So if you need to treat it like a hostage situation so you become a person to them. If they can’t tell what your doing maybe you might need to find a better doctor.

  4. Hang in there. You are the patient, you are in charge!

  5. Rachel says:

    I think it depends on the doctor a bit. Some are awful no matter what you do, and no amount of strategies will make them act like you’re a person. Others are better. The GP I see as much as possibly I can is one of the better ones (despite never running less than an hour late), although it does border on the “not treating friends and family” rule as I’ve known her all my life because our mothers were in a new parents’ group together! They sort of have to see you as a person if they know/knew you as a person outside of being a patient.

    I agree that one of the best ways is to ask questions. Don’t just sit there passively and take what they say. Ask questions about the treatment and the medication and the prescriptions. I know it’s really, really hard. Because they’re the authority, right? And it’s scary. But it’s also probably much better for your health to understand what your treatment is, so you’ve just got to try and work really hard to be more confident and ask those questions.

  6. Daal says:

    annarosemeeds, thanks for your honest post – have felt that way at times myself. the thing to remember is to not allow myself to be defined by others. sometimes too, when possible, its best to change doctors

  7. I stumbled upon your blog, only to see that you might be on the other side of the planet now. If so, I hope that your new experiences are going well.

    You’ve been through a lot but are a strong person, and I predict you’ll continue to grow spiritually and will end up mentoring many.

    Lisa in Ecuador

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