Everyone struggles with pain. It can be mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, ect. There are different variances in how strong the pain is, but we all suffer. This is a great post about what pain can teach us.
The wonderful package that my friend Morgan sent me was the highlight of my week.
Waiting to get a job at Disney again and then waiting for it to start these past two months has been hard. However, even in the hard times, remembering the beautiful elements of life is important.
Just this week, I endured many struggles with my anxiety, eating disorder thoughts, and depression. However, even more blessings followed me. I need to remember to look at those good things and notice them just as much (or, hopefully, even more) than the negative parts of life.
What do you do when you have the urge to use a symptom? When suddenly, you feel like you must cut or you will die? When purging seems like the only option? When isolating for a week sounds like the only thing that will keep you safe?
You have to run. Run to a coping skill. Run to a loved one. Run to your recovery.
Be quiet. Do not complain. Remain strong like nothing is wrong.
Those are voices in my head. Sometimes those messages are helpful. Usually, however, these words create more drama and pain in my life. Instead of being honest about difficulties, I try to manage by myself until I end up sobbing, feeling alone and defeated.
“Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Each night fills me with terror. Sleeping, which so many people seem to love, is one of my least favorite activities. Not only does it feel like a waste of time, it also brings awful nightmares.
Perhaps I am the villain one night, killing millions of people until everything around me is red. The next evening, a friend or coworker is kidnapping me. Almost worst are the nights when people tell me how they truly feel, how much they really hate me. Sometimes that is the hardest to hear.
Peter Pan knew how to think of positive, happy thoughts.
The other day, hatred for myself kept creeping into my thoughts. In fact, self-loathing has been especially strong the past few weeks.
A coworker gave me a helpful tip. “For every bad thought about yourself, think two good ones,” she told me.
Is that really possible? I doubted my ability to do this. However, she simplified this coping skill by having me choose two things that I liked about myself and concentrating on them throughout the day. My thoughts were that I liked my hair and love of learning.
Trying on huge hats at Chapel Hats in Downtown Disney was certainly a moments for my “happiness” folder.
I like labeling and arranging things. Putting my books in a new order (alphabetical by author, similar genre, date published, etc) was an exciting task that I did around once a month. Color coding priced items for a garage sale, rearranging the school supplies in my drawer, checking off items on a to-do list – being an Aspie might contribute to my enthusiasm of these tasks.
Similarly, filing things brings me joy. I have folders full of programs of shows, recipes to try, pictures of places to visit, and medical information about my medications. The things that I keep serve some purpose; I want to try to accomplish/make it some day, remember the time a moment happened, have information for later, etc.