Erasing Bitterness

Mountains

Mountains in the distance

If I could erase one emotion completely from my life, I would eliminate bitterness.

Anger frightens me. When someone annoys me, I bite my tongue and inwardly scream until I have no voice. If a person hurts me, I fake a smile and brush off a few tears as a cauldron of fury bubbles inside.

But I struggle to confront or actually deal with the anger. Complain to others? Perhaps. Face my own anger? Never.

That is when the bitterness begins to grow.

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Facing Your Worst Fear

People yelling at me. Others turning away. Friends giving up. Strangers judging.

These are some of my biggest fears. Whenever someone is angry, I want to hide. When that frustration or fury is directed at me, the anxiety bubbling inside is even more difficult.

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faith is just letting go of the horses

This post beautifully address what I am feeling and longing for right now.

Living with the Noonday Demon

Screenshot 2016-02-03 at 6.35.08 PM.pngSo much of my life has been about control. When I was young, strong emotions scared me. They were like wild horses that had been leashed to a cart that I was riding in. If I wasn’t able to rein the horses in, they would take off, hurdling me towards some other unknown doom.

Trusting God and control do not well together. Jesus wants to take the reins, but I’m white-knuckling it, telling him, “No way, man. You’re going to take me someplace weird, someplace I don’t know, without signs. And these horses. You don’t know them like I do.”

Depression is a wild one. You would think he would be an old mule, slow, but Depression doesn’t work that way. This guy wants to take us all off a cliff. He is bent on destruction and he’s very hard of hearing, so no matter how often I tell him that it’s…

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How Do You Deconstruct Walls of Anger?

Fear of Anger

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. – Maya Angelou

Over the years, so much anger has built up inside of me. There are groups of people, individuals, places, and things that fill me with such rage that I have built up walls around myself. Add in walls of fear and anxiety to make it even harder for me to open up to others.

I wish I knew how to erase the anger. Part of the problem is that I never let people (excluding family perhaps) know when I was frustrated with them. Thus, my feelings built up over the years.

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For the Times When Others Don’t Get It – A Letter to Special Needs Parents

Olaf cupcake

Olaf reminds us to “Let it Go.”

This inspired me greatly. So often we judge or fail to forgive. This letter reminds us to be kind and let go of our pent-up anger.

Here is a link: For the Times When Others Don’t Get It. Enjoy and pass on this wonderful letter.

Fun Ways to Dispel Anger

So often, people are afraid to be angry. I love how this therapy group dealt with the emotion. Too bad I cannot do it alone because it would be a great coping skill!

Personality

If any of you have ever had group therapy, you will know what I mean when I say that every session has an atmosphere. You can walk into the room and instantly feel relaxed and open or, as it felt this week, you can feel the tension and sadness and want to walk straight back out again.

I don’t know why it seems to happen that the whole group feels one underlying emotion at the same time. Do moods become cyclical? Does the strongest personality in the room influence the others? Is it the weather? Whatever, this week our group was angry, sad, tired and and lacking in motivation to want to change.

But our therapists are amazing and they like a challenge. Picking up on the ange6e22bce2e1267b72615bccebb2ee0807r and knowing that we weren’t going to get anywhere in a session full of so much negativity, our female therapist said…

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Dissolving the Bitterness

It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail. - Lech Walesa

It is hardly possible to build anything if frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness prevail. – Lech Walesa

Over the past semester, bitterness towards me school has built up inside of me. The firing of dear faculty, condemning of my views, and belittling of me with others’ superiority has bothered me. At times, I did not know if I even wanted to walk with my graduating class this May.

However, the last few days have amazingly melted away some of my bitterness. A wonderful chapel speech from a great leader who complimented my performance and knew my name, kind words from the class president who also remembered my name (how?), and a surprisingly uplifting theology class all contributed to this change. Plus, numerous relationships are healing beautifully and making me sorrowful about leaving Minnesota.

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Bitterness Erodes Hope

Fear of Anger

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. – Maya Angelou

Hope, although powerful, can be shattered by numerous events, feelings, and other things. Fear, disappointment, shame, abuse – there is a long list of ways we can lose our dreams and ability to see a brighter future.

One that I realized I am currently struggling with is bitterness. When you are bitter against a certain place, person, or group, you are unable to make a positive change. Instead, the negativity inside of you undermines your ability to be a symbol of hope.

Even worse than being bitter about a certain thing is being bitter about life in general. If you are cynical about everything and mad at the world, how can you have hope for positiveness? How can you love others and inspire change?

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Top Ten Signs of Discontent

Me in black and white

Are you struggling with being discontent?

I am discontent with my life. Today, that realization dawned upon me. So many times, my mind turns to what is wrong with myself and the situations that I am in instead of being content with the journey of each day.

Being discontent takes root in many ways and can change with each moment. I am anxious with people but lonely alone, nervous with romantic feelings but unloved single, stressed busy but bored without plans, etc. The list of my fickle discontent goes on much longer than I care to admit.

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Why Are People So Blind to Others?

Who Will Love Me

The biggest disease this day and age is that of people feeling unloved. – Princess Diana

So many people are struggling in the world. Just think of a five people (coworkers, friends, family, etc). Then think about what they are dealing with right now. You will probably notice that most are dealing with something difficult. Those who are not currently will in the future or did in the past; either that or you do not know about their current difficulties.

If that is the case, why are people so blind to others? How come instead of reaching out to each other, we draw back in fear? Why are others so closed to seeing the pain of those around them?

Lately, this has bothered me a great deal. Whether I am congratulating others for getting into a show and they fail to ask about me, nearly in tears over confusion with my faith, or working while others chatter with friends, I constantly feel alone. When no one reaches out to me, anger boils up inside as bitterness towards the whole human race increases.

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