Running from the Urges

What do you do when you have the urge to use a symptom? When suddenly, you feel like you must cut or you will die? When purging seems like the only option? When isolating for a week sounds like the only thing that will keep you safe?

You have to run. Run to a coping skill. Run to a loved one. Run to your recovery.

Continue reading

Advertisements

Lent with an Eating Disorder

Lentil dish

A lentil dish that I ate out in Oxford

Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.

However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.

Continue reading

Managing New Symptoms

Drained But Not Depleted

Just when you conquer one type of symptom, another one seems to arrive. Either that or a whole new disorder itself.

Life is so wearying sometimes. I am tired of vaulting between not eating and over eating and getting rid of food. All of it is just too much.

Continue reading

When One Person Complains about Body Image, Everyone Feels Awful

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli

Growing up overweight, I always hated hearing thin girls complain about their bodies. If they feel gross and dislike themselves, what must they think of me?

However, I kept my mouth shut and felt disgusted with myself. The years of anorexia changed that a bit. I am ashamed to admit that I began complaining about my weight and appearance more publically. Still, I tried hard to be positive so as not to trigger others.

Continue reading

Top Ten Quotes on Anorexia

Standing in a telephone booth in the U.K. pavilion

Standing in a telephone booth in the U.K. pavilion

When people think of eating disorders, anorexia often comes to mind. Yet, this is the least common eating disorder. The death rate of those with it and horrifying effects of starving oneself, however, make it so well remembered, belittled, and strangely idolized.

Here are some quotes on this disorder I still sometimes fall into or long to have again. I chose words that are not too triggering but still honest. Therefore, these are not pretty quotes or happy words. Still, there is hope for healing even from this illness. Behind these agony-ridden thoughts is light for a better future that contains a better relationship with food.

Continue reading

Still Feel Like I am Starving

Mario eating food

Mario eating a S’More

Lately, I have been eating enough food again. Maybe even too much, my brain keeps fearing.

However, part of me still is starving. I look at food and think that I need it to stay alive. I constantly think of my next meal. Food, weight, health, food…this runs through my mind all day.

Continue reading

Listaliciousness: Bollywood, Kids’ as Fictional Characters, and Llama Chases

Happy start of the week! Since it is my spring break, I am hoping to have more time to blog. However, with work and homework assigned over break as well as practicing for Narnia, this might prove to be difficult.

Still, I look forward to having some free time to recuperate such as seeing films. Also, this Thursday will be my audition for Disney in Chicago. So, having some well wishes and prayers would be very appreciated. 🙂

Anyway, enjoy the post and let me know what links from last week caught your attention. Also, I would love to know if you, your children, or someone that you know dressed up as a literary character this past week. Continue reading

I Don’t Think You Know What That Word Means

Words are slippery little doohickeys. Over the course of time, they change in meaning, morph into taboos, and are molded from new popular new phrases. A perfectly respectable word can became the worst swear, or a harsh insult can transform into a humorous remark. Language is a funny thing that way.

Thus, using words in incorrectly is a common mistake. We all play a role in reshaping language. Yet, certain words in the wrong context bother me because their usage is inconsiderate, ignorant, or offensive. The people saying them often do not intend for this meaning, but that does not take away from the damage that can be done. So, remember that this post is not to judge but hopefully to shed light on what we might say without even thinking. Here are just a few of the words or phrases that are used incorrectly and bother me.

Continue reading

Fat Talk Scarily Becomes Easier

Looking in the MirrorThrough my teenage years, I never engaged in fat talk. After all, why draw more attention to my disgusting body? When other girls complained about their appearance, I cringed inside because I knew that they were healthy while I was obese.

However, anorexia and losing weight has made talking negatively about my body easier. Scarily, each day this talk becomes even more simple. Now, I can spout out the very language I hated other people saying. Worse yet, there are sometimes people who weigh more than me in the room. I am, in fact, becoming the very person that hurt me growing up without ever intending to be cruel.

Continue reading

Listaliciousness: Women Bullies, Surprise Engagements, and Facing Phobias

Holding a cat at the pet store

Holding a cat at the pet store

Huge announcement: Big Hero 6 is an awesome film. I laughed so hard, more than at any movie I can recently remember. Tears also came to my eyes at certain moment. I guessed a few of the plot twists but was surprised by other parts. If you want to see a great film that any age can enjoy, check this one out.

Anyway, here are some more links to get your week started or finish your weekend. One is political which might seem strange especially since I am afraid of politics or offending people. However, the story is interesting no matter what party you support. Other links have to do with eating disorder and other mental health issues as well as some fun events concerning television and movies. Hopefully you will enjoy them.

Continue reading