The Fear of Saying “No”

Stepping onto a stone

“By stepping outside your comfort zone to do something peculiar, you confirm that you can do more than you’ve done. Move out!” – Israelmore Ayivor

“No” is one of my least favorite words. I hate saying it to people for numerous reasons. However, the main reason stems from fear.

Fear of them being hurt, upset, or unhappy. Fear of them disliking me, thinking I dislike them, or being rejecting. An even darker fear underlies most of these: fear of how they will retaliate.

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Can Someone Objectify You Based on Purity?

FlowerThroughout youth group and college chapels, the ideas of modesty and purity were drilled into my head. Even at a younger age, I was already being told what I shouldn’t do or wear or say. Being good was one of my main goals in life, so I took all of these lessons extremely seriously and still do.

However, one talk that no one in my youth group ever gave me was how to stay safe. No one spoke about abuse, assault, or manipulation at my university. If the concept of safety even came up, it was quickly glossed over as one of the pros of being modest or acting like a good girl. Thus, all I could discern about staying safe was the more innocent and pure I was, the safer I would stay.

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When the Shaking Starts

Meeting Kylo Ren

Meeting Kylo Ren

My feet are firmer on the ground than previous times in my life. My heart does not trip over itself while scrambling to get away from a new person quite as often. My smile usually feels real instead of plastered onto my face.

Yet, there are still moments when the shaking starts. When my head begins to whirl and my breath comes in rapid puffs. When I feel like if I see another person or anyone touches me, I will break down in tears.

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Keep Treading the Water

Willows over water

Living in recovery (or at least attempting to) is strange. At times, the current sweeps you under and pins you under the water until you feel your lungs about to burst. Other times, the water seems like a calm pool, perhaps even enjoyably cool and refreshing.

Then there are days, weeks, months, years when you are just treading the water. You aren’t about to drown, but your feet certainly do not touch the ground to stabilize you. Each recovery-based choice takes considerable effort and seems like a waste most of the time. However, making those healthy choices is not impossible.

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Judging a Job as Fulfilling or Not

Sorcerer Mickey

I love working for this guy!

A few days ago, someone watched me for a few moments greeting people at my job. “Wow, you sure have a fulfilling job,” he intoned sarcastically. “Telling people to go this way and then that way.”

Surprised and rather annoyed, I looked him right in the eye. “I actually love my job.”

“Sure, for now.” He laughed. Heat rushed to my face as I struggled not to cry. It”s not a big deal, I tried to think. But his words still stung.

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Guess I’m a Little Salty about That

“I’m just going to be single for life. There is nothing wrong with that, and that’s the way I want it!” I declared in (what I thought was) a confident voice.

“Sure…” My friend remarked, looking unconvinced.

“What? There are people who are single and fine with it.” I responded with a bit less bluster.

“Yes, but I am pretty sure they don’t say it the way that you just said that. Girl, you’re a little bit salty.”

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Where Do You Feel Your Anxiety?

Girl sadly thinking "what now"

Anxiety and depression are so similar but also so different. 

Lately, I have been trying to pay attention to where I feel my anxiety. Often it buzzes in my head or clenches my rib cage. Sometimes it inches its way across my body to another location.

However, everyone experiences anxiety differently. Where do you feel anxiety? All people experience it even people who are not diagnosed with anxiety. We all have our moments.

Bye Bye Worry

I have trouble saying “Goodbye” to my worries. However, it is possible.

Chocolate Vent

Have you ever worried about something, so much so to the point where you found
yourself not being able to stop thinking about it , or even lay awake all night long?

Have you ever questioned or second-guessed a decision you made, or had regrets in regards
to the outcome of a previous relationship?

The Word reminds how there’s no use in worrying about something, because it won’t help the situation either way (Matthew 6:25-27)

Worrying about something only leaves you stressed out; nothing good comes from it.

Worrying is also an indicator that you haven’t given something totally over to the Lord; instead of casting the care, you’ve decided to take it on yourself – I’ve definitely been there before more than once in my own personal life.

What I’ve come to realize though, is that ultimately, God is in control – there’s nothing I could say, or could…

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Listaliciousness: Aladdin Reunion, Princess Kate, and Broken Hearts

Meeting Ariel

Meeting Ariel

Well, time has certainly passed since I posted one of these lists. However, there were a few links that I wanted to share. Plus, getting back in the schedule of regular posting on my blog is a goal of mine.

So here are some great links both pertaining to mental health and Disney (where I just began to work again yesterday) as well other interesting topics.

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Living Between the Two Sides

Being agreeable and getting along with others has always been important to me.

Sure, I was the shy, antisocial girl who answered too many questions in class and barely talked in the hall. Peers stopped talking when I entered the room, believing me too naive to handle anything slightly inappropriate. Others giggled at my lack of social skills or complained to my face about strange traits.

Still, I wanted others to like me. This continues to be a goal of mine. The more people who like me, the better. Even if I do not like the other person, I hope he or she respects and enjoys me.

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