I am not even sure how to start this exactly. The wait between these posts (both for you reading and me writing) has been far too long.
Life has been a bit hectic and full of changes lately. Since my last post in June (forever ago, I know), I have been offered a new job which I will be leaving the country for in a few months. After years of dreaming and doubting myself, I am going to be teaching English in China. Better yet, the Disney company will still be my employer.
The joy of taking this new step in life comes hand-in-hand with the fear of change. Am I really moving to a country across the world that I have never been to before? How will I learn Mandarin that quickly? How will I survive without my family and friends? How will I ever be confident enough to teach?
Without even looking down, I tugged. The denim refused to budge. Surprised, I turned my attention to the jeans from my sister. As much as I hate pants, these ones were acceptable to wear on the odd day when I felt so inclined.
The jeans, on the other hand, did not feel so inclined to me. After another tug, I realized that there was no way the buttons could close over my hips. The jeans that had fit the last time I tugged them on now were too small.
I hate recovery. That was my first thought. Hate it so much. Almost as much as I hate myself.
So often, people complain about the media and the way only thin women are shown to be beautiful. However, it is important not to judge celebrities for looking a certain way. They are people as well who are beautiful and insecure about their bodies.
When I found this video, I was touched. These gorgeous women spoke to girls (and guys) in a sensitive, considerate manner. Hopefully, you will also be touched by their words.
Training for my new job has been fun, interesting, tiring, and strangely confidence-building. Who would have thought that I would be so excited about a job that involves talking with people? I certainly would not have expected it!
This is one of the few times that I actually felt sure of myself. Instead of worrying about what to say when practicing to serve people, I went into my theater-mode. Instead of being an anxious girl trying to find herself in the world, I became a spunky woman who loves interacting with others and making their day better.
Unless one says goodbye to what one loves, and unless one travels to completely new territories, one can expect merely a long wearing away of oneself and an eventual extinction. – Jean Dubuffet
This weekend will be my last (at least for now) at my hostess job. Over the last year, I have learned a great deal and grown at this little restaurant. Leaving will be sad, but the future will hold many more opportunists because of the skills that I learned there. So this Thankfulness Thursday is dedicated to my job as I prepare to move on to other places.
714. My coworkers – They were so amazing, welcoming, fun, and encouraging. Every evening, I was greeted with smiles and compliments. Even when I went through rough times, they stood by my side and were kind. Their jokes and optimistic spirits will be very missed.
Today, my mother and I went to the baby shower of my best friend through high school. Since then, we have remained close at heart but taken very different paths. She did two years of mission work, finished college two Mays ago, married last November, and is now pregnant with a little girl. That is miles away from anything that I have experienced.
Going to Oxford proved to myself that I could accomplish great things. Now, I am more confident about my future. Although nothing is easy, the strength to go far and be a bright light is inside of me.
Balancing what I am, what I am not, and what I could be one day is difficult. Sometimes I wish that I was different and had a life more like my friend. Thus, this post is mostly a coping skill for me to practice learning to accept where I am and press forward with hope.
This British driving sign states what I want to do right now.
This week has been so crazy. I began an internship, started a new job training, had a huge fundraiser for where I work, wrote for my client, and tried (am still trying actually) to finish a mystery party for this Saturday. Right now, only a few minutes are left before I must get ready for work.
Sometimes things in life are hectic. That can be difficult, but it can also have benefits. Today for Thankfulness Thursday, I am going to focus on the good parts of being busy.
You can be strong but sway in the breeze like a tree.
On Tuesday, I went to see my old therapist who I had not seen since early December. Our last session was very painful, and because of that, I never wanted to return to her. You can read part one of that story and part two in my previous posts. Anyway, our talk was anxiety-producing and emotional but good for the most part. I do not know if I am ready to see her regularly and rather doubt it. Mending the relationship and hearing her response was extremely healing.
Looking back over the past year, I can see my growth in facing scary social situations where I had to learn to be honest and stand up for myself. Although these experiences were difficult, they forced me to grow stronger. Plus, many taught me that my “rude honesty” or “selfish behavior” was simply normal assertiveness. People responded extremely well overall. Funny how you make yourself so scared of something that turns out to be fine.
So for Thankfulness Thursday, I am going to look at these situations as well as the benefits that arose from them. Please leave a comment to tell me what you have learned from confrontations or honest interactions that you were nervous about but still did. I would love to hear about your inspiring (or disastrous) moments.
Mario and I made an eatable necklace as part of Christine’s present. This is a practice one that we made for him.
Sorry, this is coming out so very late! Today has been hectic, to say the least. My sister, Christine, turned 21. Mario and I spent the day together. We went to see a show, buy gifts, make gifts, have lunch, read a book, etc. Then I had to finish working for the dinner cruise of retreat center that I live at with my family. Just now, I finally tumbled into bed.
However, so much has been on my mind lately that I have thought about writing about on this blog. Instead of just bombarding you with information that might be boring or strange, I would love to hear your opinions on some topics. These could be addressed in posts this week or later this month.