I’m making new goals to keep myself on track in 2018.
I love lists especially to do lists. Checking off what I’ve done, keeping my life in order, seeing progress made – everything about these lists leaves me feeling satisfied. Or guilty. It’s always one of the two. Hopefully, this year it will be the satisfied feeling only.
Anyway, I decided to make myself a to do list for 2018. Last year was filled with so much growth. I don’t want to lose any of that momentum in this next year.
At times, words seem to flood from my mind to my fingers and onto a page or computer screen. Other times, the phrases and concepts drip like a leaky faucet. Even that is better than when the water is turned off completely and nothing will come out at all.
Writing is never easy. Sure, it can be fun or a release. However, if you truly want to write, you will find the task very difficult at points. However, that should not scare you away because there are many positive elements. Here are some of them.
1155. Expressing yourself – Writing how I feel is often easier for me than saying it. Strangely enough, I can also better verbally express myself after writing about it.
A note that I wrote and placed on the grave of Tolkien – he is an amazing writer who inspired me.
Monday is my media day. That is what I should write about and focus on in today’s post. Doing anything different would be against the schedule that I set and posted for my readers to see. Thus, I would essentially be lying to them as well as not being organized.
These were the thoughts that circled through my head several times today as numerous ideas came to me about this blog. Each idea was shot down by my brain or written on a note to address in the future.
At play practice tonight for the show on creativity and faith, I realized how often I tell my inner artist no. The ideas and creativity that wells up inside of me is silenced by the scholar, the perfectionist, the organizer, the judger, and the practical part of me. No wonder writing seems like such a challenge with no joy! I am no longer engulfed in imagination or the process; it has become a task, a way to function and communicate. That is all.
Two of my classmates studying outside our house in Oxford
Lately, my depression has affected my writing. Instead of looking forward to working on a story, work, or blog, I find myself feeling apathetic and unmotivated. Nothing seems to interest me, and the energy to be creative and think of words seems drained from me.
This has made me rather miserable. How can I blog each day if my heart is not in it? What is the use of going to school for professional writing if I cannot do the work? If I cannot find the inspiration to write, am I a failure who needs to stick to simple jobs like being a hostess in a restaurant for the rest of my life?
The front of my guest material for “Waltzing with Danger”
One of the my favorite things to do is to host a mystery party. This is the one time that I readily invite people to my home. Although it is draining, these parties are very fun. No only do I host the party, I also write the entire mystery. That means making a character for each guests, evidence for the crime, and setting up the drama. Plus, I need to constantly juggle the roles of being a character along with being the writer who explains the mystery and the hostess who greets the guests.
Today, I am blogging so late because I just had one of these parties. Instead of worrying about it being perfect or crying over the guests who could not come, I did the best possible to get the party mostly done and enjoyed the people who came. For the first time, peace has filled me over the turn out of the party. I have done these mystery parties for years and usually end up feeling mixed at the end.