I Am So Much More

I was able to go to Shanghai Disneyland which was wonderful.

Knowing limits is good. I need to remember that I do not have the superpower of speed to get ready for the day in five minutes. Nor can anyone read minds. We cannot fly, breathe under water, live without food or water, etc.  Limits can be helpful.

However, they can also be a hinder. So many times, I have let limits on myself – whether inflicted by me or others – that have hurt me. There were things that I was and wasn’t, limits set and dreams shattered.

This past year has shown me that I am more than my limitations. I need to stop living bound to my past or my struggles.

Chasing, Gaining, Losing, Desiring Dreams

Dreams are etched deeply into part of our being – our memories, minds, or spirits perhaps. They influence many vital decisions and alter the courses of our lives. You can choose to stifle them deep inside, never allowing them to see the light and grow into a branch of your life. Alternatively, you can take a wild chance and follow them, knowing they might lead to pain and difficulty. In the end, you will always wonder what would have happened if you never give those dreams a chance.

Still, chasing a dream and catching it only to have it crumble in your fingers is agonizing. Having a fleeting idea fail or not enjoying a temporary situation is frustrating. Yet, realizing your dream that you fought for is a thing you no longer desire wounds much deeper.

Updated Bucket List 2017

In the Wide and Narrow Alleys

Here is the fourth version of my bucket list. There are some things taken out and some added. Dreams come and go with time, but many have stayed the same.

Teaching and living in China is the biggest change since the last update in August 2015. However, I also transitioned to a new role at Disney World before coming to Asia and grew to a more confident and happy person.

Be, Do, Become!

This relates so much to how I feel. Some days, I know where life is taking me and am confident in that. Most days, however, are still filled with doubt about the future. And that is okay, I think. At least, it is fine for now.

If I had one single dream, there is no doubt that I’d chase it ferociously. Thing is, I have too many that I can’t articulate, so I find myself stuck. I love fashion, I love writing, I love photography, I love music and gardening and painting and people and…and…and…

I’ve always struggled with this- with having to define myself into one mold. (Which is probably why I’m 28 with an undeclared major.) There are just so many things that interest me, how is a person to only pick one to succeed at? To support their family with?

I was watching some documentary about these people who were so passionate about mountaineering they made it their life’s work to summit the worlds tallest mountains. This was their specific passion even though alarmingly dangerous, and they took it very seriously. In a country where you can pretty much do and become whatever…

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10 Ways to Battle Nightmares

“Those with the greatest awareness have the greatest nightmares.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Each night fills me with terror. Sleeping, which so many people seem to love, is one of my least favorite activities. Not only does it feel like a waste of time, it also brings awful nightmares.

Perhaps I am the villain one night, killing millions of people until everything around me is red. The next evening, a friend or coworker is kidnapping me. Almost worst are the nights when people tell me how they truly feel, how much they really hate me. Sometimes that is the hardest to hear.

A Night at the Ball

Normally they are never in photos together, but they made an exception.

Last night was one of the best of my life! My sisters came into town to see the parks for the first time and celebrate my birthday. On our final evening together, we went to 1900 Park Fare.

Here you meet Cinderella, Prince Charming, Lady Termaine, Anastasia, and Drizella. It was truly magical!

Shout It Out To The World

Everyone has dreams. Sure, some people pretend that all things fail and life has no point. However, even they hold a secret candle of hope burning for something. Perhaps owning a new dog or seeing a shooting star. Those might seem like simple pleasures, but they might be someone’s deepest dream.

Today, I presented my senior capstone on Professional Writing. My last point in it addressed my future plans and dreams: learning and working at the Disney College Program, continuing my blog, teaching English in South Korea, freelancing for clients, and receiving my doctorate at Oxford University. A couple of these might take 10 years or more (South Korea and Oxford). However, that does not stop me from starting to work to achieve them now.

Looking to the Future

There are joys ahead.

Lately, hopelessness has become a major problem for me again. Thinking about the future fills me with dread. Looking ahead, all that I can see is darkness, emptiness, and loneliness.

Instead of dwelling upon this fear, I must try to find even small elements about the future that are exciting or wonderful. All of us have some of those things to look forward to even if they are small. Thinking about them can help us to have a goal we can aim for instead of just running from anxieties.

More Afraid of Disappointing Others Than Myself

Yesterday was one of the most draining days of my life. Riding into Chicago on night and out of it the next evening on a bus is exhausting even if you are seated the whole time. Thankfully, a classmate was unexpectedly with me on the journey there, and I met a hilarious, kind woman on the way home.

Then came the audition. There were over 200 people present at one of the many locations vying for only 2,000 roles. Once I realized this, I still tried to do my best but also found great peace in acceptance that getting into this position would be nearly miraculous. Thus, when I was not offered a role, I left feeling still excited about being part of the Disney College Program in another way. Living there, still being a part by making the park magical  even if I am not dressed up, and taking classes will be amazing. This is still my dream.

However, admitting that I was not cast to others…that is terrifying. Everyone seemed sure that I could do it or convinced that it would be a waste of time if I was not a performer. Letting others down is the real pain that is throbbing in my heart today.

Recovery in the Media: #70. The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

This movie shows how there is no time like the present and age should never hold you back from living a full life.

70. The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

Yesterday, I took a break from work and writing to see this film. As bright, inspiring, and witty as the first one, this movie made me feel warm inside and cheerful. Even better, the thought of growing old was less daunting. Because of the numerous hopeful messages, I chose this film to review on Media Monday.

Synopsis: Since the Marigold Hotel has been such a success with the elderly residents, the ever-optimistic Sonny decides to try to find a sponsor to open another one. However, this task turns out to be more difficult than he had supposed as he also prepares for his wedding while trying to fight off his rival. Meanwhile, the residents of the hotel have romantic decisions and life choices of their own to struggle through together. Evelyn and Douglas are somewhat in a relationship but both a bit anxious as Evelyn embarks on a new job. In a moment of drunken confusion, Norman unintentionally sets a hit man on his girlfriend Carol. Several new residents have moved in including a charming American, Guy Chambers, who Madge has her eye on although she is already stringing along two other men. Meanwhile, Muriel is helping Sonny but remains as cranky as ever. All the while, time continues to tick as the residents try to forget but cannot help but remember their age.