After arriving back in the USA a few days ago, I’ve been busy cleaning out all of my old boxes. Although I just moved back from China, my goal is to move abroad again for my Master’s Degree soon. Thus, all of the clutter in my old room and closet needed to leave.
As I pulled out old boxes and rummaged through dusty drawers, glimpses of the past kept appearing.
My fingers were stained pink and blue from oil pastel paintings made in residential treatment for my eating disorder. Babies surrounded by darkness, blood-red monsters devouring me, trees half blossoming and half diseased – images of despair and hope mixed with every color.
Here is the fourth version of my bucket list. There are some things taken out and some added. Dreams come and go with time, but many have stayed the same.
Teaching and living in China is the biggest change since the last update in August 2015. However, I also transitioned to a new role at Disney World before coming to Asia and grew to a more confident and happy person. Continue reading →
Imagine meeting an old group of friends or classmates. One person constantly belittled and even bullied others while growing up. Now, she listens well and even apologized for past actions. Another person, on the other hand, was shy and insecure. He still struggles to speak and usually complains about himself when he does speak.
Situations like this happen to me all of the time although not always in the same day. I meet people from the past who have changed tremendously while others are nearly identical. The questions arise, “Do people change? Can someone move on from the past? Are some people able to forget who they were?”
Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.
However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.
Food is expensive. Buying it myself I have come to realize that. No longer can I throw hummus, vegetarian chicken, and protein bars into my mother’s cart and assume that we have the money for it all. Now, I must choose wisely what I am willing to splurge on as I get discounted bread, non-brand name cereal, and the cheapest apples possible.
This lack of funds for all food makes following my meal plan difficult. Fresh vegetables? How would I keep those good when I am running off to work? Buying a salad at work? Have you seen the price of salads? No thank you.
My special birthday Dulce de Leche in the Mexican Pavilion
For many people with eating disorders, working out becomes a symptom. You might run for hours or refuse to ever sit down. Perhaps it is biking or swimming or dancing. Over exercise comes in many forms, just like eating disorders.
However, during recovery, adding in some form of exercise is a good idea. This can help one’s mood, energy, and overall health.