Lent with an Eating Disorder

Lentil dish

A lentil dish that I ate out in Oxford

Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.

However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.

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Managing New Symptoms

Drained But Not Depleted

Just when you conquer one type of symptom, another one seems to arrive. Either that or a whole new disorder itself.

Life is so wearying sometimes. I am tired of vaulting between not eating and over eating and getting rid of food. All of it is just too much.

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Eating Disorder Recovery Playlist

Meeting Ariel

The power of words and music is great!

Music is a great source of therapy. Something about the beat, melody, and words mixed together makes me feel so much better.

So here are some of the songs that help me feel better about food, my body, eating, and recovery:

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Old Habits Die Hard

Mickey Ghost Apple

Sometimes I am okay with eating, and other times I struggle.

Why is eating so difficult? I eat too much or too little or get rid of it but mostly just obsess about it all of the time. When will I be free of this?

Getting rid of an eating disorder, escaping its clutches, is so much hard work. Will I ever be free? I am not sure but certainly hope so.

Despite my present annoyance at myself, I know that there is progress being made. Do I mess up? Sure. Does that make me an awful person? No. I am human and make mistakes.

Still, fighting the voice inside is so difficult. There are many small victories and big setbacks each day. Progress is all that I can hope for right now.

Following a Meal Plan or Saving Money on Food?

Eating sweets with my friend Natasha

Eating sweets with my friend Natasha

Food is expensive. Buying it myself I have come to realize that. No longer can I throw hummus, vegetarian chicken, and protein bars into my mother’s cart and assume that we have the money for it all. Now, I must choose wisely what I am willing to splurge on as I get discounted bread, non-brand name cereal, and the cheapest apples possible.

This lack of funds for all food makes following my meal plan difficult. Fresh vegetables? How would I keep those good when I am running off to work? Buying a salad at work? Have you seen the price of salads? No thank you.

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Working Out in Recovery

My special birthday Dulce de Leche in the Mexican Pavilion

My special birthday Dulce de Leche in the Mexican Pavilion

For many people with eating disorders, working out becomes a symptom. You might run for hours or refuse to ever sit down. Perhaps it is biking or swimming or dancing. Over exercise comes in many forms, just like eating disorders.

However, during recovery, adding in some form of exercise is a good idea. This can help one’s mood, energy, and overall health.

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Still Feel Like I am Starving

Mario eating food

Mario eating a S’More

Lately, I have been eating enough food again. Maybe even too much, my brain keeps fearing.

However, part of me still is starving. I look at food and think that I need it to stay alive. I constantly think of my next meal. Food, weight, health, food…this runs through my mind all day.

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Help with Drinking Less Pop

Lately, diet pop has been my weakness. I have been struggling with having one, then two, then even more each day. This not only is bad for my health but also wastes money.

So, I was wondering if I could have some help from you. What is any advice that you have about drinking less pop/soda/cola? What do you do to stop an addiction before it starts?

Any advice would be very helpful! Thank you so much!

Beauty Is Not Always in the Eye of the Beholder

Meeting Mickey at Breakfast

Meeting Mickey at Breakfast

When someone tells me I am beautiful, I rarely believe them. However, these kind comments at least make me consider the prospect. When alone, I barely even entertain the thought.

Why is it that we only believe that we are beautiful when someone else says so? I wonder when the day will come that we trust our own words and thoughts instead of relaying on the feelings of others?

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5 Kinds of Food-Shamers (and How to Deal With Them)

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These comments might not seem like a big deal, but they can be very hurtful and fuel an eating disorder. Remember, food is just that – food. Let’s all try not to judge others for eating to stay alive and care for themselves.

TIME

If you’ve ever had anyone walk in to your cubicle as you were inhaling a Quarter Pounder with Cheese and say, “I didn’t know anyone ate fast food anymore,” congrats: You’ve been food shamed. You should know you’re in excellent company, as it’s happened to Health staffers at previous jobs (see No. 2 and No. 4), Olympic athletes, even celebs like Heidi Klum and Demi Lovato.

“Once foods are called ‘good’ and ‘bad,’ then the people who are doing the eating are judged good and bad as well,” Pamela Peeke, MD, author of The Hunger Fix, told Health. But don’t let food bullies get under your skin: People who are made to feel embarrassed about their guilty pleasures are less likely to make future healthy choices, according to a 2015 study in the journal Appetite. Instead, fight back with this field guide to the biggest…

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