It’s Not a Big Deal…Or Is It?

It's Not You, It's My PTSD

Memories haunt, words remind, fears remain, but I will survive.

When people warned me that he wasn’t a good friend, I just smiled sheepishly and shrugged. Sure, he was not perfect. Yet, a quirky, introverted, socially-anxious preteen girl took the friends she could get. So, I told myself repeatedly, “It’s not a big deal.”

It’s not a big deal if he tells me to shut up. I do talk too much.

It’s not a big deal if he belittles my dreams. They won’t come true anyway.

It’s not a big deal if he slaps my face. It was a gentle hit to keep me from being too weird.

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Where Do You Feel Your Anxiety?

Girl sadly thinking "what now"

Anxiety and depression are so similar but also so different. 

Lately, I have been trying to pay attention to where I feel my anxiety. Often it buzzes in my head or clenches my rib cage. Sometimes it inches its way across my body to another location.

However, everyone experiences anxiety differently. Where do you feel anxiety? All people experience it even people who are not diagnosed with anxiety. We all have our moments.

That’s Not Funny

Perhaps I am overly sensitive. Correct that statement: I am overly sensitive. However, there are times when people laugh and joke about subjects that make me cringe.

Normally, I just look away (or move away, if I can) and ignore them. Inside, part of me is screaming to speak up and say, “That isn’t funny!”

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Listaliciousness: Aladdin Reunion, Princess Kate, and Broken Hearts

Meeting Ariel

Meeting Ariel

Well, time has certainly passed since I posted one of these lists. However, there were a few links that I wanted to share. Plus, getting back in the schedule of regular posting on my blog is a goal of mine.

So here are some great links both pertaining to mental health and Disney (where I just began to work again yesterday) as well other interesting topics.

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How Do You Deconstruct Walls of Anger?

Fear of Anger

Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean. – Maya Angelou

Over the years, so much anger has built up inside of me. There are groups of people, individuals, places, and things that fill me with such rage that I have built up walls around myself. Add in walls of fear and anxiety to make it even harder for me to open up to others.

I wish I knew how to erase the anger. Part of the problem is that I never let people (excluding family perhaps) know when I was frustrated with them. Thus, my feelings built up over the years.

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Why Do Loneliness and Hungry Go Together?

Olaf cupcake

Olaf cupcake

For some reason, certain emotions seem to be linked together more often than others. Happiness and relaxation, sadness and tiredness, stress and irritability.

Another pair that I often link is loneliness and hungry. When I am lonely, I get hungry often. This does not seem uncommon from what I can tell. Others seem to eat when they are lonely or feel unloved.

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How Do You Ignore the Past?

Silly Family

Just being sillly,

Honestly, how? Is there a secret way of moving on and living a normal life? Because I certainly have not found that method out yet.

Some people seem so flippant about their past. Others forgive and forget quickly.

I wish that could be me. Instead, I am stuck in a cycle of remembrance and frustration. Fear and depression join in as well.

So does anyone know? How do you ignore the past? Or at least, how do you move on with your life?

Breaking the mold hurts.

I understand this so well. Doing new things does hurt as does pushing yourself. Yet, it does become a bit easier with time. If only that empty feeling would go away and stay away forever.

BlueHero

Alone- Edmund Dulac

Lately I’ve been spending much more time doing new things. Things I’ve never got to do in a long time. Going out to eat, or spending the day watching movies and video games with a friend are amazing experiences for me. However I can’t help but feel empty when I go home. It’s as if the happier the time I have, the harsher the it feels when it’s over. Am having a hard time processing such feelings. At the end of the day my loneliness still finds a way to haunt me.

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Feeling Depressed in a Wonderful Life

At the beach

My beach adventure today was wonderful!

How can someone feel so sad but elated at the same time? Depression makes no sense.

Today was wonderful. I walked on pillow-like sand, laughed with new friends from Japan, swam like a dolphin in the ocean, ran across the beach for the first time, and then relaxed shopping a bit.

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Recovery in the Media: #72. To the Brokenhearted: Being a Christian with Depression

72. To the Brokenhearted: Being a Christian with Depression by E.S. Huberty

Nine years ago, when I was doing the show Cinderella, I met a lovely and sweet girl who played one of my stepsisters. Over the years, we stayed in touch a bit although we rarely saw each other. However, her strength and perseverance always inspired me. Thus, when she wrote this book and had it published online, I was thrilled that she requested me to blog about it. The topic and message fit perfectly with this blog. Plus, she is a talented writer and storyteller which makes this book even better.

Synopsis: Can a Christian suffer from depression? This question is asked far too frequently. For many Christians, being depressed or anxious is viewed as a sign of failure or even demonic forces. Emmaline Soken-Huberty explores mental illness and faith in this read that is both quick and helpful. She looks not only at how mental illness and faith affected her own life but also how others can use her experiences to deal with their own mental health issues while remaining strong in their faith.

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