Wow. My last Thankfulness Thursday was in February of last year. Lately, my thoughts have drifted to dark and ungrateful places. My hope by bringing back these days is to encourage me to enjoy life in a new culture even when it is difficult.
1166. Spicy food – I never liked spicy food back in the US. To be honest, I never really tried it but convinced myself that I couldn’t take it. Here, nearly everything is spicy. It’s difficult to eat at times but so delicious. I’m realizing that I’m tougher than I thought.
Whenever I have a meal or snack, the first thing I look for is a distraction. A movie or TV show must be on, a book must be open, or a person must be talking to me.
This made me think if I ever just eat? Does anyone simply eat without distracting himself or herself? If so, does that person experience more mindfulness and healthy/normal/undisordered eating?
Look around while others are eating. How many people are on their phones? What about watching television? Strange, isn’t it? People talk about their hunger or favorite foods. Yet, these same people seem to spend little time focusing on eating itself.
I am not sure if this is necessarily a bad thing. It just is an observation that I made. Does this contribute to disordered eating? Possibly. I am not really sure.
Lent used to be rather simple. Give up candy. Don’t eat sweets. Turn down desserts.
However, anorexia made it more confusing and dangerous. Recovering from that the next few years was difficult but possible. Trying to find a new way to fast that did not include restriction made me creative.
There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. ― Steve Maraboli
Growing up overweight, I always hated hearing thin girls complain about their bodies. If they feel gross and dislike themselves, what must they think of me?
However, I kept my mouth shut and felt disgusted with myself. The years of anorexia changed that a bit. I am ashamed to admit that I began complaining about my weight and appearance more publically. Still, I tried hard to be positive so as not to trigger others.
For some reason, certain emotions seem to be linked together more often than others. Happiness and relaxation, sadness and tiredness, stress and irritability.
Another pair that I often link is loneliness and hungry. When I am lonely, I get hungry often. This does not seem uncommon from what I can tell. Others seem to eat when they are lonely or feel unloved.
Feeling good about your food choices can be hard but is possible.
Food is an issue that fills many people with guilt. You want that extra cookie but would prefer that no one knows that. Yes, you finished the rest of the ice cream, but who would it help if you confessed that? Those potato chips might not be as nutritious as that banana, yet you shamefully eat the chips in the dark corner.
Usually, I feel very guilty about food. Recently, however, my groceries have helped me to feel healthy and excited about having a good diet. There are certainly moments of self-disgust but not nearly as many.
Standing in a telephone booth in the U.K. pavilion
When people think of eating disorders, anorexia often comes to mind. Yet, this is the least common eating disorder. The death rate of those with it and horrifying effects of starving oneself, however, make it so well remembered, belittled, and strangely idolized.
Here are some quotes on this disorder I still sometimes fall into or long to have again. I chose words that are not too triggering but still honest. Therefore, these are not pretty quotes or happy words. Still, there is hope for healing even from this illness. Behind these agony-ridden thoughts is light for a better future that contains a better relationship with food.
Food is expensive. Buying it myself I have come to realize that. No longer can I throw hummus, vegetarian chicken, and protein bars into my mother’s cart and assume that we have the money for it all. Now, I must choose wisely what I am willing to splurge on as I get discounted bread, non-brand name cereal, and the cheapest apples possible.
This lack of funds for all food makes following my meal plan difficult. Fresh vegetables? How would I keep those good when I am running off to work? Buying a salad at work? Have you seen the price of salads? No thank you.