I hate endings. That is what saying “Good bye” feels like.
Maybe I will see you again. But maybe I won’t. That sense of not knowing makes it even harder.
If I knew for sure that you were gone from my life, I would learn to live without you. Painful, yes, but possible. I would learn to treasure you as a memory long gone from my life. You would become a thing of the past, beautiful but distant.
But if I am not sure if I will see you again, that aching continues. The aching to be by you side, to feel your hug, to laugh about nothing, to have a true friend.
“Good bye” is one of the hardest things to say. I feel torn about saying it today. Part of my heart is going far away and might never return again.
Peter Pan knew how to think of positive, happy thoughts.
The other day, hatred for myself kept creeping into my thoughts. In fact, self-loathing has been especially strong the past few weeks.
A coworker gave me a helpful tip. “For every bad thought about yourself, think two good ones,” she told me.
Is that really possible? I doubted my ability to do this. However, she simplified this coping skill by having me choose two things that I liked about myself and concentrating on them throughout the day. My thoughts were that I liked my hair and love of learning.
Being in Orlando has taught me a strange fact: I draw people to myself.
Writing that means that I must admit it which is hard. Me, a people person? Me, someone who others like? Me, friendly?
Yet, it is true. Whether chatting with a stranger on the bus or the new person at work, I enjoy knowing people’s stories which they, in turn, enjoy telling. When numerous people are asking to hang out, I must admit that something I am doing (or maybe who I am????) is making friends. Strange how I have changed over the years.
After my last post, several people expressed concern about me. Now I feel a bit overly dramatic. Yes, life is stressful and hard down here in Florida. However, it is also full of amazement and new victories.
My smile falters with lots of hate for my body, PTSD flashbacks, anxiety, and depression. Yet, the smile returns daily for many things. Here are just a few: Continue reading →
My roommate said this amazing phrase the other day: “You have a way with people.”
“Yeah, a way of making them annoyed,” I wanted to quip. However, the negative remarks just stayed in my head as I smiled in thanks.
Her response had to do with a story I had told her about my day. Earlier that afternoon, I went to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios for the first time. Stepping into Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade was truly a magical experience.