When is Nice Too Nice?

Darth Vadar

My fear is that if I am not nice, I will be something like him.

Yesterday, two friends were (playfully) bickering. Laughing a bit, I attempted to diffuse the situation a bit. “You can kick me under the table if you need to,” I offered.

“You’re so nice and sweet,” one remarked.

“That’s not sweet. That’s messed up! Who let’s themselves be kicked?” The other friend questioned. “What happened to you in your past that you are so submissive?”

Continue reading

You Remember Me?

Pluto and Santa Goofy

Pluto and Santa Goofy

“Did you take this class recently? Because I remember you saying you were looking forward to bringing your family to Walt Disney World for the first time.”

“You’re back? I so excited to see you!”

“You are going to work there, right? I have been following your journey on Facebook.”

Continue reading

The Mystery of the Past Two Valentine’s Days

Valentine's Day Teddy

My wonderful Valentine’s Day gift from Christine

Sleep still in my eyes, I wandered into the living room this morning. Staring me down from the couch was a huge, fluffy teddy bear.

“Must be for one of my roommates,” I figured before snuggling onto another side of the couch with my cereal.

Heading out the door, my lovely roommate handed me a card. “Someone at work left this and the bear for you.”

Continue reading

The Hardest Words Are “Good Bye”

Breakfast

Breakfast with my wonderful coworkers

I hate endings. That is what saying “Good bye” feels like.

Maybe I will see you again. But maybe I won’t. That sense of not knowing makes it even harder.

If I knew for sure that you were gone from my life, I would learn to live without you. Painful, yes, but possible. I would learn to treasure you as a memory long gone from my life. You would become a thing of the past, beautiful but distant.

But if I am not sure if I will see you again, that aching continues. The aching to be by you side, to feel your hug, to laugh about nothing, to have a true friend.

“Good bye” is one of the hardest things to say. I feel torn about saying it today. Part of my heart is going far away and might never return again.

For Every Bad Thought, Think Two Good Ones

Meeting Peter Pan

Peter Pan knew how to think of positive, happy thoughts.

The other day, hatred for myself kept creeping into my thoughts. In fact, self-loathing has been especially strong the past few weeks.

A coworker gave me a helpful tip. “For every bad thought about yourself, think two good ones,” she told me.

Is that really possible? I doubted my ability to do this. However, she simplified this coping skill by having me choose two things that I liked about myself and concentrating on them throughout the day. My thoughts were that I liked my hair and love of learning.

Continue reading

Too Scared to Watch TV

Baby in pajamasGrowing up, I was always too sensitive to watch certainly movies. Maybe I should even say “most” movies. Even cartoon violence scared me.

Now, my fear is still similar. When friends or roommates watch The Walking Dead or even a PG movie like Tomorrowland, I cower in my bedroom.

Is this fear good or bad? I am not sure. It certainly makes me an outcast. Now, I just feel lonely and stupid. Poor Anna Rose, too scared to be a big girl. After all, it’s just TV, right?

But what if I have a point? What if all that violence touches a part of me that most people ignore? What if my fear should be listened to instead of silenced?

 

Drawing People In, Pushing Them Away

Mary Poppins walking away

People come and go quickly in my life.

Being in Orlando has taught me a strange fact: I draw people to myself.

Writing that means that I must admit it which is hard. Me, a people person? Me, someone who others like? Me, friendly?

Yet, it is true. Whether chatting with a stranger on the bus or the new person at work, I enjoy knowing people’s stories which they, in turn, enjoy telling. When numerous people are asking to hang out, I must admit that something I am doing (or maybe who I am????) is making friends. Strange how I have changed over the years.

Continue reading

Things that Put a Smile on My Face

About to ride on Dumbo

Riding the rides makes me smile.

After my last post, several people expressed concern about me. Now I feel a bit overly dramatic. Yes, life is stressful and hard down here in Florida. However, it is also full of amazement and new victories.

My smile falters with lots of hate for my body, PTSD flashbacks, anxiety, and depression. Yet, the smile returns daily for many things. Here are just a few: Continue reading

Soothing Myself (as well as Allowing Others to Do So)

Kitty teapot

Having tea is a great way to calm down and relax.

Sorry about the late post again! Life has been so hectic and a bit stressful. I need soothing and calming so badly at times.

There are times when we all need to be soothed and comforted. However, asking someone else to do that is frightening. Perhaps that is even impossible for you because it seems as if no one cares.

Learning to soothe myself is something I am still struggling with doing. It is the little steps each day that make me better now than I was a year ago. Also, having great friends helps.

Here are a few tips of how I am able to soothe myself. Most of them are quick and helpful. In fact, I tried to pick ones that I used in the past few weeks.

Continue reading

“You Have a Way with People.”

Drinking butterbeer

Here I am enjoying my first butterbeer.

My roommate said this amazing phrase the other day: “You have a way with people.”

“Yeah, a way of making them annoyed,” I wanted to quip. However, the negative remarks just stayed in my head as I smiled in thanks.

Her response had to do with a story I had told her about my day. Earlier that afternoon, I went to Harry Potter World at Universal Studios for the first time. Stepping into Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade was truly a magical experience.

Continue reading