Three Positive Things to Say to Those Who are Suffering ~ Power Punch!

Wow, these are great things to say to anyone in pain of any kind. I want to use these more often in my life when I meet others. We could all do to say and hear these more often.

Eyes Wide Open


A long time ago, someone shared with me that one of the most loving things we can do for others is to tell them what we need. It gives others the same opportunity to show grace and love and care that we ourselves have when they do the same for us. If we withhold, we rob others of that gift. And being able to give grace and help others in time of need is truly just that; a Gift.

So that’s what my last few essays have been about here on my little blog.

But make no mistake: I am not only talking about things that I have concluded that I need for myself. I truly believe this applies to so many people out there in the world ~ not just those who might struggle with an invisible illness, like my Fibromyalgia. There may be some deep and dark grief…

View original post 1,551 more words

Finding the Voice of Wisdom

St. Mary Magdalen

The Anglo-Catholic Church St. Mary Magdalen

Although I am eating more normally again, my eating disorder continues to scream at me. My stomach bulges, my legs swell, my back is engulfed in wrinkles – all of this plays through my head. Then that voice returns: “And you think that you deserve to eat? Be strong and say no.”

At one time, that voice would have pushed me into a dark place and near to death. Right now, it still bothers me but more by telling me how worthless I am for not listening to it. Instead of focusing on ED, however, I must keep tuning into the voice of wisdom.

Continue reading

Self-Hatred: Part Self-Doubt and Part Self-Disgust

Without even looking down, I tugged. The denim refused to budge. Surprised, I turned my attention to the jeans from my sister. As much as I hate pants, these ones were acceptable to wear on the odd day when I felt so inclined.

The jeans, on the other hand, did not feel so inclined to me. After another tug, I realized that there was no way the buttons could close over my hips. The jeans that had fit the last time I tugged them on now were too small.

I hate recovery. That was my first thought. Hate it so much. Almost as much as I hate myself.

Continue reading

What to Do When You Don’t Trust Your Doctor

“You did gain weight since I last weighed you.” My dietitian finally admitted this morning. “What has been happening differently?”

I wanted to scream. For the past months, she has listened to me moan about my fear of gaining weight and heard me say that I have put on more than my goal amount. However, she never believed me.

“That is just your eating disorder talking,” was her typical response. However, I am not stupid. My clothing feels different, my body looks different, and people talk about my appearance differently. Sure, I am paranoid about my weight, but something is certainly happening. Now she acts surprised when I have been trying to tell her this every meeting.

Continue reading

My Mom is Not a Therapist

Family upon couch
Family upon couch

My family

My mother is an amazing person. She cares for and loves me to the best of her abilities. However she is not perfect. In fact, she is not even my therapist.

Often times, I interact with my family as if they were my medical caregivers. When I self-harm, their confused and angry response terrifies me. Times when I need consoling, they might be warn out and unable to listen. The way my Aspergian brain works still bewilders and annoys them. Thus, I am left longing for therapy from people who (despite their love) do not have the training or energy to give me that.

Continue reading

Top Ten Quotes on Bipolar Disorder


Going in and out of a never ending tunnel is how one friend described bipolar disorder.

Bipolar is a term that is thrown around much too often in casual conversation. “She is so bipolar. You never know what mood you will find her in or what will make her upset.” No, you probably mean to say that she is moody. If she really does have bipolar disorder, than that is still a rather compassionate way to discuss her illness.

Thus, I decided to put together a list of quotes about bipolar that will hopefully raise awareness about this difficult mental illness. Although I do not struggle with it, several of my good friends do. They are brave warriors who need great energy and resilience to get maintain stability. Even then, battling this illness is nearly impossible alone. Please reach out to your medical care team, family, and friends instead of trying to power through it by yourself. My hope is that these quotes can give you hope and others (including myself) wisdom.

Continue reading

Ten of the Most Helpful Comments to Someone with Mental Illness

A rose near the college I attend at Oxford University

A rose near the college I attend at Oxford University

Many times people with mental illness are told hurtful things. Other intend well but might speak out of ignorance or nervousness. This ends with all involved feeling uncomfortable and wounded.

Today while talking with one of the heads of the program I am at, I realized how I have become more open to comments that others make when I open up about my illness. Sure, their words might be confusing or a bit triggering, but at least they are trying to be helpful. Instead of hiding my struggles, I have been honest with my fellow students at Oxford. Thankfully, they have all responded wonderfully.

Continue reading

Finals Week

My little brother Mario around the time this poem was set

My little brother Mario around the time this poem was set

Every once in a while, I enjoy writing poetry. This is an old poem that I wrote when thinking back on the end of my first semester at college. At this point, my eating disorder was running rampant, causing me to take the next year off of school.

Although this was written about a year and half ago, this piece captures a bit of what I felt about my eating disorder. Looking back on this pivotal moment of my illness, I see how far I have come in recovery. Thus, sharing it seemed like a good idea.

Continue reading

10 Reasons Eating Disorders are not Glamorous

Eating disorders are not glamorous!

Eating disorders are not glamorous!

Ever since reading Anne of Green Gables as a child, I have thought of fainting as romantic. Wouldn’t it be nice to drop to the ground in a graceful motion or into the arms of someone who suddenly realizes your beauty? Perhaps this fantasy shows my disordered thinking, but I have always wanted to pass out someday.

Thus, the news that my blood glucose or sugar is so low that I could faint both frightened and elated me. Now I know that my dizziness the past few days is not just in my head. In all honesty, part of me is crumple down, unconscious. Maybe people would realize the pain inside or at least notice my existence. Who knows? A knight in shining (or at least campus security) might appear magically to help me back to my feet. This moment could be the beginning of something beautiful.

Then I bring myself back to reality. Knowing my luck, I would fall over in a deserted place and hit my head on something hard, causing a large, ugly gash. No one would come across me for hours, and then it would be a bewildered professor who would call an ambulance. Thus, I would awaken in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm and no handsome knight to be seen.

Here is the main point: Eating disorders and their physical complications are not glamorous.


Continue reading

I Shouldn’t Feel Weak Anymore

At the Demi Lovato Concert, the bathrooms had inspirational messages in them too.

At the Demi Lovato Concert, the bathrooms had inspirational messages in them too.

The past few days, I have been feeling awful. Sometimes my head begins to spin while other times my stomach churns uneasily. In a way, my body feels like it did when I was restricting heavily. However, my food consumption has not gone down at all.

When I begin to feel sick, my first reaction is now anger. After all, I am caring for my body even though I do not want to do so. Why will it not work the way that I want it to? Why does it need to keep bothering me by acting strange and bringing pain? It is ridiculous. Continue reading