I Am So Much More

In a Rapunzel frame at Shanghai Disneyland

I was able to go to Shanghai Disneyland which was wonderful.

Knowing limits is good. I need to remember that I do not have the superpower of speed to get ready for the day in five minutes. Nor can anyone read minds. We cannot fly, breathe under water, live without food or water, etc.  Limits can be helpful.

However, they can also be a hinder. So many times, I have let limits on myself – whether inflicted by me or others – that have hurt me. There were things that I was and wasn’t, limits set and dreams shattered.

This past year has shown me that I am more than my limitations. I need to stop living bound to my past or my struggles.

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Listaliciousness: WW2 Christmas Ad, Prison Dance, and the Cinderella Movie

It's Not You, It's My PTSD

Memories haunt, words remind, fears remain, but I will survive.

Today was extremely stressful. Work has highly triggered my PTSD to the point where I feel almost unable to cope. However, I am hanging in there and trying to remain calm. Wonderful friends helped today to be better as well as my managers. Still, others do not understand mental illness and grow frustrated with my inability to be “normal” or just take a joke.

Anyway, here are some links for you. Finding them was a bit more difficult this week for some reason. Instead of looking at the rest of the web, I focused on WordPress. Most of them are from bloggers that I greatly respect. Hopefully you will enjoy the articles.

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What I Am, What I Am Not, What I Could Be

Ruth and me

My friend and me at her wedding

Today, my mother and I went to the baby shower of my best friend through high school. Since then, we have remained close at heart but taken very different paths. She did two years of mission work, finished college two Mays ago, married last November, and is now pregnant with a little girl. That is miles away from anything that I have experienced.

Going to Oxford proved to myself that I could accomplish great things. Now, I am more confident about my future. Although nothing is easy, the strength to go far and be a bright light is inside of me.

Balancing what I am, what I am not, and what I could be one day is difficult. Sometimes I wish that I was different and had a life more like my friend. Thus, this post is mostly a coping skill for me to practice learning to accept where I am and press forward with hope.

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The Badge of Anorexia

The Badge of Anorexia

I am not ashamed of my past but I am also ready to change for the better.

As I sat around two years ago in an eating disorder facility waiting to hear the results of my intake, I just had one thought: please let it be anorexia.  Sad, but true.  After struggling with over-eating and being overweight, I longed to have statistics prove that I was too thin.  To my horror, I was diagnosed EDNOS or Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified because of my normal weight.  Turns out I had not starved myself enough.

Now, I have come to understand how eating disorders destroy numerous peoples’ lives regardless of shape, race, gender, or age.  I do not judge a single one of the people that I have met based on their diagnosis.  Each of them touched my life with their unique inspiring stories and hearts.  Never would I tell one of them that they are not good enough or anyone else for that matter.  Certainly not based on their weight or what type of eating disorder that they have!

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